


Tumblr Ficlets

by jacksbits (fragilehuge)



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-06-07 04:39:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 17,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6785554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fragilehuge/pseuds/jacksbits
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I wanted to have a place where I saved all the little bits of writing that I post to tumblr. Super informal style, assorted pairings and ratings, but I think they're all pretty cute. More specific summaries/ratings in the notes & titles for each chapter. :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bitty/Jack snow fight (rated teen)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wintery zimbits fluff | Rated teen | [Original tumblr post](http://jacksbits.tumblr.com/post/142185205147/hello-can-we-talk-about-bitty-mayhaps-shoving-snow)
> 
> -
> 
> fabbittle said: ❝ hello can we talk about Bitty mayhaps shoving snow down jack's pants ❞
> 
> me: YES.

So, Bitty’s from Georgia. You don’t _get_ snow in Georgia. Or, well, you might get a couple of inches, but even when it sticks, it’s mostly clumpy ice that gets mixed with the dirt underneath when you try to scoop it up. 

The snow in Massachusetts? Well, it’s _snow._ It’s the snow of Bitty’s dreams—fluffy, powdery, _perfect._ His freshman year, Bitty is completely amazed. He’s never seen snow like this before. He ends up skipping a bunch of his classes to play with random people from his dorm, and then he skips a couple more to play with Shitty and Ransom and Holster, and, well. Bitty’s never claimed to be a great student or anything, but it’s a little bad even for him. 

The next year, Bitty’s determined not to get so carried away. He is older, wiser, more mature. The first day they get a really good snow, what Bitty _wants_ to do is skip class and make snow angels, but it’s the day of his food seminar, and Bitty _likes_ that class. And Jack would get all frowny if Bitty skipped class. 

So Bitty goes. All through class he’s buzzing, thinking, _snow snow snow snow._ He wants to play in it. He wants to have a snowball fight. Walking to class this morning, Bitty stomped around, jumping into snowbanks, and it wasn’t _enough._ (Jack just smiled at him, like Bitty was being silly. But Jack has had _years_ of Canadian winters to get used to snow! This is only the second real snow of Bitty’s life!) 

Anyway, after class, they’re most of the way back when Bitty sees a really perfect patch of snow on one of the quads, and he says, “Wait! Jack! Wait!” and runs over. He stops right in front of it, turns around, and falls backwards to make a snow angel. 

“Having fun, eh?” Jack asks, stopping in front of him, arms crossed, smile on his face. 

“Help me up,” Bitty says, once he’s satisfied. He holds his hands up and Jack tugs him to his feet in one smooth movement—god, he’s really strong, isn’t he, wow, Bitty’s screwed—and Jack smiles over Bitty’s shoulder. 

“Looks good,” he says, nodding to the snow angel. Bitty turns around. It looks _perfect._

“God, I love snow.” Bitty sighs happily, and starts walking again, bouncing along beside Jack. “We should get everyone outside and have a snowball fight when we get back.” 

“Those can get dangerous,” Jack says seriously. “Once Shitty shoved snow down my pants when we were freshmen. Was pretty funny, but _cold_.” 

Bitty turns his head to look at Jack, very slowly. He doesn’t know exactly what his expression looks like, but Jack says, “Oh no.” 

There’s a moment of tension: Jack looking horrified and Bitty feeling gleeful, and then Bitty drops down to grab an armful of snow, and Jack takes off running. 

“Come back here!” Bitty yells. “I’m not gonna do anything!” 

Jack’s laughing, and he’s _fast_ , too. Bitty can’t quite manage to catch up to him. 

When they get to the Haus, though, Jack slows down, like he thinks he’s safe now that they’ve made it back, which is frankly a _huge mistake._ Bitty barrels into him, and he’s running fast enough that he knocks Jack down on his back into the powdery snow of the Haus lawn. 

They’re both breathless and red-faced, but Bitty is on a _mission._ He swoops his hands on the ground on either side of Jack’s hips, getting his hands underneath so that he can shove as much snow as possible into the back of Jack’s pants. Jack is kicking and hollering and laughing, and Bitty keeps pushing his hands down, then suddenly—oh no, the snow is melting in his hands and Bitty just feels hot skin beneath his palms. His hands are part of the way down Jack’s pants, and Bitty realizes _he’s groping Jack’s ass._ He freezes without meaning to, eyes locking with Jack and then— 

Bitty pulls back as fast as he can, sitting up. 

“I—uh, haha, got you,” Bitty says. He can’t tell if Jack is blushing or if he’s just still red from the run here or— 

“Y-you did,” Jack says, sounding flustered. “Haha, yup. Yeah. You… got me good, haha.” 

Bitty realizes he is still straddling Jack’s hips. _For the love of god._

“Hah!” Bitty says, rolling off of Jack. He lies back in the snow. “Hahah! I bet you didn’t, uh, haha, think I’d catch you, heh…” 

“Right,” Jack says, faintly. “Yup.” 

“You probably want to change, um,” Bitty says. “If you’re. Wet. If your pants are wet. Hah.” 

“Yeah!” Jack sits up quickly. “Yes, that is, haha, good idea, you got me good, I am very… Haha, okay!” 

Jack stands up, heading for the door, but he stops on the porch. 

“I’ll get everyone for the snowball fight?” he says, looking at Bitty over his shoulder. 

“Oh!” Bitty says. “Yes! Good idea.” 

Jack is definitely blushing. “Okay. Good. See you. In a minute. Then.” 

“Uh huh!” Bitty manages, and Jack finally goes inside. 

Bitty stares up at the cold blue sky, trying to steady his breathing. Right. That was… He just needs a couple of minutes. To calm down, and maybe, uh, to get his stupid boner under control. 


	2. Bitty proposes to Jack (rated G)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zimbits proposal fluff | Rated G | [Original tumblr post](http://jacksbits.tumblr.com/post/141906333297/so-i-watched-this-vine-and-i-wrote-the-tags)
> 
> -
> 
> [so I watched this vine](http://jacksbits.tumblr.com/post/141901487707/les-habitants-sojack-and-bitty-huh) and I wrote the tags [#bitty is the one who’s proposing](https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/bitty-is-the-one-who%27s-proposing) [#Jack is the one doing the GOOFY HAPPY LAUGH](https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/Jack-is-the-one-doing-the-GOOFY-HAPPY-LAUGH) and then [@somewhatbyronically](https://tmblr.co/m0wE0Qdo42f2jn1iO5pnplw) came at me like “yes I like how you think” and since I’d _literally been thinking about it since I wrote those tags_ (I might be writing an actual proposal fic which goes a lil differently uh) I fic’d right at them. And then I cleaned it up a little and now I’m posting it 4 all of u:

It is totally Bitty’s Plan to propose at Faber, because that is def the kind of Big Romantic Proposal that Bitty would think of. Because, first of all, it’s private! Jack would not want a public proposal, he’d get embarrassed. Second of all, Faber is like… where they fell in love. And Samwell and hockey are both so important to Jack. It’s the perfect place. 

Jack and Bitty go down to Samwell for an alumni event, and Bitty Has His Plan. He wants to rent an hour at Faber to do it, but when he explains the situation they’re like “OK WE GOT YOU A FOUR HOUR BLOCK” and Bitty is like “oh okay I don’t really need that much—but, um, yes thank you okay.” 

Bitty just tells Jack they’re going skating at Faber for old time’s sake. (Shitty’s hiding in the rink with the camera). Jack has NO IDEA. He’s just like “Oh, skating. Fun.” 

Then Bitty gets down on one knee and he’s like, “Oh, Bitty did you fall?” then “What are you—” then “Oh my god.”  
  
Bitty says, “Jack, you’re—you’re it for me. I love you. Will you,” (Bitty is now crying) “marry me?” 

Jack goes the goofy little stumble-laugh thing, and tips forward to steady himself on Bitty’s hands. He doesn’t let go even after he’s regained his balance. 

“Eric— _Bitty_ ,” Jack says. “I— ** _yes_**.“ 

And then Shitty starts cheering. 

Jack blinks over toward the noise. Shitty yells, "SORRY GUYS I DIDN’T MEAN TO INTERRUPT THE MOMENT I JUST GOT EXCITED!!!” 

Jack goes, “What.” He’s still holding onto Bitty’s hands. 

“Jack,” Bitty says, to get his attention. When he looks down, Bitty slips the ring onto his finger. Jack stares down at it, completely dumbfounded, like maybe it’s the best thing he’s ever seen in his life but also the most insane. 

Shitty screams, “KISS YOU CRAZY KIDS!” 

Jack manages to shake himself out of it: he pulls Bitty up to his feet and kisses him, hand cupping his cheek. Jack’s crying. He’s not sure when he started crying. Bitty’s also crying, still. 

Shitty is sobbing loudly and still filming. Everyone’s crying. Everyone’s so happy. It’s amazing. 

Months later, Shitty plays the video at the wedding, and everyone in the room cries all over again. Shitty cries the loudest, remembering how happy he was. Watching Bitty propose to Jack ranks in his top 5 overall life moments. 

Even though it’s been months since the proposal, Jack still sometimes stares down at his ring the same way he did in the rink at Faber. It is definitely the best and most insane thing that’s ever happened to him. He’s so happy that he’d be embarrassed about it, except sometimes he catches Bitty staring at his own ring (a good story for another time) in exactly the same way, so he thinks he’s probably okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [so like SIDE NOTE](http://jacksbits.tumblr.com/post/141956974227/so-like-side-note-from-that-proposal-ficlet-i) from that proposal ficlet I wrote where there is the line about Shitty’s top 5 overall life moments? you all should know that _I’VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT CONSTANTLY SINCE I WROTE IT_. SO HERE IT IS, I GIVE TO YOU:
> 
> **Shitty’s Top Five Overall Life Moments**  
>  (not in any kind of order because are you serious? Shitty can’t RANK them too)  
> 
> 
>   * watching Bitty propose to Jack
>   * kissing Lardo for the first time
>   * the first time Lardo said “I love you” (she said it first but Shitty maintains he _felt_ it first. Also, Shitty cried and it made Lardo cry.)
>   * graduating from law school
>   * freshman year when Jack came into his dorm room to find Shitty naked and sitting on his bed, and just said, “ _Why?_ ” (Jack wasn’t angry, just deeply confused, and Shitty thought, “Yeah. This guy.”)
> 



	3. Bitty/Jack celly on ice (rated M)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sexy zimbits celly | Rated M | [Original tumblr post](http://jacksbits.tumblr.com/post/142014191032/something-ive-been-thinking-about-a-lot-because-i)
> 
> -
> 
> something I’ve been thinking about a lot because I have lost control of my life is Bitty jumping into Jack’s arms before they’re dating? I mean, definitely [this gif](http://jacksbits.tumblr.com/post/141606807302/tronnies-art-blog-happy-birthday-bitty-hope) is the reason, but I still can’t stop thinking about it.

It would be during a celly, obviously. Maybe it’s the championship game: Bitty gets the assist and Jack scores, and then the buzzer goes, and they’ve _won._ Jack looks over at Bitty, shouting, smiling, and Bitty skates toward him—fast as anything, Bitty’s always _so fast_ —and then Bitty’s slamming into him and Jack’s bending down a little to get his arms around Bitty’s waist. 

Inside Jack’s mind, it’s just a chant of _we won we won we won **I** scored we won._ Before Jack knows what he’s doing, he’s picked Bitty up, a bear hug tight around his waist. Jack spins them around, and Bitty’s legs come up to wrap around Jack’s hips, just to _hold on_. It’s so—so—Jack thinks he’s crying. Bitty’s shouting joyfully. Suddenly everyone else has surrounded them, and it’s finally hitting Jack, they _won the championship_ , he’s proven everyone wrong: he went to Samwell and he played _great hockey_ and no one can say it was a mistake. There are several long moments of this, the whole team hugging and cheering, and through it all, Bitty’s strong thighs wrapped around Jack’s body.  


Jack can’t imagine a more perfect moment. 

Then Jack comes back into his body, and he thinks, _oh shit._ Bitty’s breath is hot and wet against Jack’s ear, and it’s kind of—Bittle is _strong_ , isn’t he? They way he can just— _cling_ to Jack is… is… Something. For sure. 

“Uh,” Jack says, coughing, loosening his arms. 

Bittle grins at him and _slides_ down to the ground, thighs still wrapped around Jack’s legs as he goes, and then Bittle’s standing up and Jack is overwhelmed suddenly with the image of _biting_ those thighs, just sinking his teeth into that thick muscle, pressing his mouth against the skin there—  


Jack tries to blink the thought away but it’s a little— _persistent_ —  


“That was amazing,” Bittle says, clapping his shoulder, and Jack thinks _me picking you up was amazing…?_ before it hits him that Bittle means the game, the _goal._ Obviously.  


“Yeah,” Jack says, voice too rough. “Yes, yeah, it was.” 


	4. Zimbits selfie (rated teen)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jack is an idiot and I love him | Rated teen just because of my excessive cursing in this one | [Original tumblr post](http://jacksbits.tumblr.com/post/142133977352/ok-so-i-was-yelling-with-bshittyknights-about) | Also this one is super informally written and it cannot be helped. But I really like the end so I'm posting it. SORRY.
> 
> -
> 
> ok so I was yelling with @bshittyknights about JACK L. ZIMMERMNANN (as one does) and SHE MENTIONED EPIKEGSTER AND HOW JACK WAS LIKE, “hey you wanna take a selfie” and _AND_ —
> 
> okay. first of all: i still cannot believe jack wanted to take a goddamn selfie with bitty. but that’s a given. i’ll never be over it. i’m making this post because i rEALIZED that **jack would have made the selfie his fucking facebook profile picture**. if parse hadn’t showed up and RUINED _EVERY_ THING, JACK LAURENT ZIMMERMANN WOULD HAVE CHANGED HIS PROFILE PICTURE TO A SELFIE OF HIM AND BITTY.
> 
> (l i t e r a l l y I JSUT FUCKDIFHNGDK REALIZED THIS AND I’M DEAD. does your own brain ever kill you. god dAMN.)
> 
> so anyway as i’m like, crying & losing my shit over this realization, @bshittyknights goes “he would have emailed it to himself”
> 
> which. WHICH. yeS.

Jack emails the picture to himself and then he _saves it to his fucking computer _. Then he opens Facebook and has to laboriously try to find the pic again.__

“Where did it go. Hmmm,” Jack thinks to himself, clicking around, brow furrowed. Computers are annoying. (He probably re-downloads it several times, thinking, maybe it didn’t save?? Or something?? Where is it going??) 

So then there’s like “IMG_5583.jpg” “IMG_5583(1).jpg” “IMG_5583(2).jpg” in Jack’s downloads folder. FINALLY HE FINDS IT. This whole thing has taken like 25 minutes. So then Jack uploads it to Facebook and he’s careful to make sure the crop looks good. (It just so happens that Bitty is centered in the little icon in the end, Jack’s face a bit smooshed to the side—it’s just, Bitty looks nice. That’s why Jack likes the picture. He doesn’t really care about pictures of himself, anyway.) 

The picture gets a bunch of likes and Johnson shares it to his page with the caption “i love this au, what could have been *sigh*” which Jack thinks is weird but whatever. It doesn’t matter. The picture looks great. Bitty looks nice. Jack likes looking at it.  


Jack Laurent Zimmermann then proceeds to keep the selfie as his profile picture until _graduation_ before he realizes what it fucking means.  


It’s still Bad Bob’s doing, too. Jack’s pulling his whole puppy-dog-eyes-staring-at-Bitty’s-back-with-discontentment thing as he walks away, and Dad Bob comes over, chirps, “<Hm, he’s cuter in person than in your profile picture, don’t you think?>”

Jack turns instantly _beet_ red, splutters, “ <N-n—I, w-what? What… do you… mean?>”

Rad Bob raises an eyebrow. “<I didn’t want to pry, but you know you can tell me things, right?>”

Jack stares at him. What does his dad think he knows…? 

Rad dad Bob smiles, rolls his eyes. “<Go on, then… go really say goodbye. We have time.>”  


_Oh_ , Jack thinks.  


He turns around and runs. To Jack, it feels like he’s running toward a place he’s always been going. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my french isn't perfect so sorry if I messed something up but here are the lines in French, too:
> 
> —Il est encore plus mignon en chair et en os que dans ton avatar Facebook, n'est-ce pas?  
> —N-n—je, euh, quoi? Qu'est-ce que tu veux dire?  
> —Je voulais pas me mêler de tes affaires, mais tu sais que tu peux me dire des choses, ouais?  
> — ...............  
> —Vas-y, vas-y. Dis bien au revoir. Nous avons le temps.


	5. Bad Bi Zimmermann (rated G)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bad Bob & Alicia are my faves | Rated G | [Original tumblr post](http://jacksbits.tumblr.com/post/142182297697/i-have-some-thoughts-about-bad-bi-zimmermann-i)
> 
> -
> 
> i have some thoughts about bad bi zimmermann
> 
> i mean, dad bi zimmermann. i mean, bob dad zimmermann. fuck. bi bob. i love him. what am i talking about?
> 
> RIGHT.

So Bob starts dating Alicia, and he’s immediately completely taken with her. Alicia is so _smart_ (she went to college! she has a degree!), and she’s funny and charming and _cool_ and Bob is so, so into her. She seems to find find Bob cute, for whatever reason, which is all Bob can ever hope for honestly. He’s immediately totally on board. Like, dangerously on board. It’s too soon, Bob knows, but he’s enamored. He’s really serious about her. 

Except. There’s one thing. That he has to check. He hates this part but. He has to. It’s important. 

They’re out on a date (amusement park—which is totally cliche and kinda stupid but Bob thought it’d be fun, and Alicia laughed when they pulled up into the parking lot and she saw the ferris wheel, so Bob thinks it’s okay), and there’s this guy that looks like Richard Gere in _American Gigolo—_ dark hair, tight pants, cool shades. His shirt is open at the collar. He’s gorgeous, so Bob says, “Wow, look at that guy. Those biceps. Jeez, should be illegal to be that hot.” 

And it’s. A scary moment, honestly. Sometimes people can’t handle the fact that he’s bi. He’s dated girls who thought he was going to leave them for a man and he’s dated guys who thought he was going to leave them for a woman. It _sucks_ when that happens, when he tells someone and they get weird and things fizzle out, so Bob has gotten in the habit of just… casually mentioning it, early on, as soon as he thinks a relationship might be going somewhere. It’s better to know than to be surprised later. But he _really_ likes Alicia, so. He’s scared. He badly wants it to work out with her. 

Alicia says, “Oh my god, you’re totally right.” She sounds casual, playful, totally unconcerned, and something loosens in Bob’s chest. She’s perfect. This woman is— “Oh my,” Alicia says. “Look, his girlfriend just came back. Oh my god. What I wouldn’t give to go on a date with her.” 

Bob smiles so, so wide. “Hey, now,” he says. “You’re dating _me_.” 

Alicia grins back at him. “Oh, right. I forgot. Alright, no dates with the hot redhead over there.” She look at him sideways. “Maybe, one date? What about one date?” 

Bob laughs. “No. I absolutely refuse to share you.” 

Alicia knocks her shoulder into his. “Fine. Guess you’re worth it. I’ll behave, I promise.” 

So that’s more or less the moment Bob realizes he has to marry her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alicia and bob are both bi


	6. Jack texting Bitty after Graduation (rated G)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jack texting Bitty | Rated G | [Original tumblr post](http://jacksbits.tumblr.com/post/142923220372/ok-so-headcanon-that-jack-is-the-worst-double)
> 
> -
> 
> ok so headcanon that jack is the worst double texter in the world, he just has tHINGS TO SAY and it literally doesn’t occur to him that he should wait or not text bitty too many times in a row? jack wants to talk to bitty a lot, of course bitty wants to talk to him too.
> 
> so like after graduation, it’s like:

**jack** : hey  
**bitty** : hi!! ☺  
**jack** : hello  
**jack** : i like that face  
**jack** : oh  
**jack** : i have to go to lunch  
**bitty** : have fun!  
  
*an hour later*  
  
**jack** : ok  
**jack** : we’re done  
**jack** : i had a burger  
**jack** : can’t have a lot more of those eh  
**jack** : not nutritionist approved  
**bitty** : hi jack ☺ ☺  
**jack** : hey  
**jack** : when does your flight land in atlanta  
**bitty** : 7:30!  
**jack** : ok  
**jack** : cool  
**jack** : do you have a long time until it leaves?  
**bitty** : not too long!  
**jack** : good  
**jack** : you should call me later  
**jack** : when you get home  
**bitty** : so if i disappear, i’m probably on the plane  
**bitty** : oh! okay. i will.  
**jack** : if you’re not too tired i mean  
**jack** : it’d be nice  
**bitty** : i’ll call you, jack ☺  
**jack** : okay  
**jack** : good  
**bitty** : ☺  
  
*30 minutes pass*  
  
**jack** : also  
**jack** : do you want to visit me this summer  
**jack** : sometime  
**jack** : you can stay at my new place in providence  
**jack** : there’s a guest bedroom  
**jack** : i don’t know  
**jack** : i’d just like to see you  
**jack** : i think the apartment needs decorating  
**jack** : like how you did the curtains in the haus?  
**jack** : those are nice  
**jack** : i wouldn’t know what to pick though  
**jack** : bitty  
**jack** : hey  
**jack** : are you on the plane?  
**jack** : you’re probably on the plane  
**jack** : text me when you get off the plane  
**jack** : also


	7. Jack buys Bitty a car (rated M)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bitty & the Benz | Rated M because of the last bit | Original tumblr posts: [one](http://jacksbits.tumblr.com/post/142965044862/so-we-all-know-jacks-got-crazy-hockey-money-and), [two](http://jacksbits.tumblr.com/post/142984625312/bittyybee-replied-to-your-post-so-we-all-know), [three](http://jacksbits.tumblr.com/post/143006020252/i-done-goofed-yall-the-mercedes-benz-gl-class), [four](http://jacksbits.tumblr.com/post/143015565152/help-im-obsessed-with-my-car-headcanon-this-one).

Jack obviously has crazy hockey money, and Bitty wouldn’t want to take advantage, but like... Jack is also the kind of boyfriend who would start a conversation by going, “I bought you a car.”

“ _What_ ,” says Bitty, frozen on the doorstep of the Haus. There’s a shiny black Mercedes-Benz GL-Class SUV parked next to the sidewalk.

“You didn’t have a car,” Jack says reasonably. “You had to take the train all the time to come see me.”

“JACK,” Bitty says, and then forces himself to stop so that he can calm down. He just… he can’t _believe_ … but he just needs to explain to Jack, very clearly, why this is too much. It’s a nice gesture, but Bitty cannot accept it. He heaves a sigh, opens his mouth, and what comes out is, “ _YOU CAN’T BUY ME AN SUV???_ ”

Jack frowns. “Did you want a different type of car.”

“NO!” yells Bitty.

“So you like the car I picked,” says Jack.

“That’s not! It doesn’t matter!” Bitty says. The car is gorgeous. That’s not the point. It doesn’t matter how much Bitty loves the car.

“…so, what’s the problem?” Jack asks, and bless his heart, he’s serious.

“WHAT’S THE…??” Bitty makes a noise of pure frustration. “JACK?? YOU FUCKING BOUGHT ME A BENZ???”

Jack blinks at him.

“Yes,” he says. “It was the safest.”

 

 

 

 

 

The thing is, Jack does _so much research_. First, like, he just does some fishing, asking about Bitty’s favorite types of cars (Bitty is a Southern boy; he loves big SUVs), and what colors he likes (“I don’t know, any color. There’s something kind of sexy and classic about black cars, though.”), and then Jack is like, cool. Got the info. Time to do some research.

So then he googles, “safest SUVs” and then when that gives him back these like… frankly kinda dumpy looking cars, Jack googles, “safest luxury SUVs” because, well, it was Bittle who said he liked “sexy and classic” cars, so that’s what Jack wants to get. That’s what he’s going for. Sexy and classic. And safe. The safest car.

Like, while doing his research, Jack reads that there were zero driver fatalities in the GL-Class Mercedes-Benz SUV between 2009 and 2012. Which seems pretty safe. Plus, there's also all of these other safety features? There’s something called Attention Assist, so if the car senses any signs of drowsy or distracted driving, there’s these little warning beeps and a coffee-cup icon comes on. That seems cool to Jack. Sometimes Bitty doesn’t sleep enough. Something like that could be really useful. Plus, there’s a blind spot monitor, a rear _and_ surround-view cameras to help with parking, forward collision warnings, and something called a “lane-keep assist,” which Jack likes the sound of. Like, oh, Bittle’s car with the assist. Haha. Jack will have to remember to say that later.

Anyway. Jack puts a lot of thought into choosing the car. It’s the best one. He wants Bitty to have it.

But Bitty looks… upset, and Jack feels a little chastened. Money’s always been kind of a weird topic with them: Jack’s always had it, and it doesn’t seem like a big deal to him to spend it on other people. Especially on Bitty. He’s happy to do it. But Bitty gets worried about it, like he thinks Jack is wasting his money on something he’ll regret later. Jack doesn’t know how to explain that he’s not going to regret spending money on Bitty, but whatever. What matters is that Bitty is comfortable. If he can’t accept the car from Jack, that’s okay.

Jack says, “I guess I understand if it seems like kind of… a lot to you. I don’t know. I just wanted to get you something nice that you could actually use. You know I have too much money. The cost doesn’t matter to me. I just wanted to get you the best. But if you’re really uncomfortable accepting it, I’ll take it back on Monday.”

“Thanks,” Bitty says. “I know you meant well, it’s just…”

Jack nods. He gets it. But also? Bitty’s being kind of stupid about this. It’s a good car. And he _needs_ a car. Also, Jack can see the way Bitty is looking at it. He clearly likes it. Jack can see the longing in his eyes.

And… well, it’s not like Jack’s above playing a little dirty, in order to get what he wants. He says, “You’re still coming to my place this weekend, right?”

“Of course, sweetheart,” Bitty says. “I’m not mad at you.”

Jack puts on his best innocent expression. “Can you drive, maybe? Since I just drove here. It’d be nice to take a break.” Jack does his best to look sweet and guileless.

“Oh, honey, that’s fine,” Bitty says, as expected. “I don’t mind driving.”

Jack hands Bitty the keys. He picks up the duffel bag that Bitty dropped when he’d first seen the car, swings it into the back seat. He slides into the passenger side just as Bitty finishes adjusting the seat and the mirrors, turns the key in the ignition. The Benz purrs to life.

“Oh, lord,” Bitty murmurs, hands settling on the soft leather of the steering wheel.

Jack smiles to himself. He drove down here; he knows how it feels to sit in the driver’s seat. It’s a nice car.

40 minutes later, as they’re pulling into the parking lot, Jack says, “So, you’re in love, eh?”

Bitty parks the car. He looks over at Jack. His eyes are so soft.

“God,” he says, and sighs. “Yeah. I am.”

Jack can’t help feeling kind of smug _._ He knew Bitty wouldn’t be able to give it up after driving all the way up to Providence in it. The car is that great.

“Hah,” Jack says. “I knew it.”

Bitty slants a glance over at Jack.

“Yep,” he says, a little smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “I’m pretty in love with the car, too.”

 

 

 

 

 

Honestly, Jack _loves_ that he was able to buy Bitty a car. Bitty taking pictures of himself in the car is pretty much one of the number one ways to rile Jack up. Like, they're pretty much unable to contain themselves around each other at the best of times, but it's a new level. They just love each other so much. They’re so into each other, it's crazy.

Bitty sends a snapchat of himself in the car, seatbelt buckled, just before he leaves to drive to the grocery store or something one night. He's wearing Jack’s clothes, too, which is the other number one way to rile Jack up. 

Three minutes later Jack is aggressively texting Bitty like, “Go somewhere alone I’m going to call you in a minute.”

Bitty answers the phone like, "I’M DRIVING BUT I’M PULLING OVER."

This is nothing new. They definitely christened the car like pretty much as soon as Jack bought it for him, let’s be real. They like went on a cute date to the mountains or something, and they end up parked at a scenic overlook. It’s dark and the windows are tinted and it’s been such a _good_ day...

Anyway, they get carried away and afterward Bitty’s like, “OH GOD DID WE STAIN MY BEAUTIFUL NEW CAR?” 

Jack says, “But now you’ll think of me when you’re in it.”

Which like, Bitty already did think of Jack whenever he was in the car. Obviously. But now Bitty’s also gonna pop awkward boners when he's in the car, too. Jesus.


	8. Jack's afraid he outed himself (rated G)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jack "My teammate, the person who is on my team, that is, my boyfriend" Zimmermann | Rated G | Content warning for Jack's anxiety (but it ends up okay) | [Original tumblr post](http://jacksbits.tumblr.com/post/143068898787/ahhhhhhh-so-okay-jack-is-definitely-one-of-those)

Jack is definitely one of those dorks who thinks of relationships in terms of being on a team. The team is his relationship. This is just a normal way hockey robot Jack Zimmermann thinks about dating. “My teammate, the person who is on my team, that is, my boyfriend.”

So like, taking this into account, what if Jack accidentally mentions Bitty in a live interview? I mean, he mentions Bitty so obliquely. He just says, “Yeah. The stress of being in the NHL can be hard, but I get a lot of support, too, and that makes it easier. It’s just good to have someone who I know is always on my team, you know?”

And then Jack nearly dies because hesdfighdfI **fuck** he didn’t mean to say that. He manages to get through the rest of the interview but he pretty much just wants to set himself on fire the entire time.

Of course, literally no one notices or reads anything into that comment. How could anyone hear that and think Jack was talking about his secret boyfriend?

Afterward, when Jack can finally get somewhere alone, he calls Bitty and says, “I outed us.”

“Oh… _no_ …” Bitty says, in total, horrified shock. But he recovers quickly and goes right into Reassuring Boyfriend Mode. “Oh, Jack. I know we didn’t want to do this yet, baby, but it’s okay. I promise it will be okay. I’m always here for you, you know that, and we’ll get through this together, no matter what happens.”

“I can’t believe it,” Jack says. “I just can’t believe I said that.”

“What... What did you say, exactly?” Bitty asks.

“ _It’s good to have someone who I know is always on my team_ ,” Jack quotes miserably.

Bitty blinks. Jack doesn’t continue or say anything else.

“...Jack, honey. Is that _all_ you said?”

“Yeah,” Jack says, one quiet, despondent monosyllable.

 _Lord_ , Bitty thinks. _This boy._

So then Bitty goes and finds the footage and watches it three times and has to assure Jack that, no, literally _no one_ is going to think he has a secret boyfriend because of that interview, he can calm down, oh my god.

If Bitty weren’t so relieved that it wasn’t more serious, he might despair that he is in love with such a weird dork, but alas. Bitty is mostly just relieved. He can’t really despair about being in love with Jack Zimmermann, anyway, weird dork or no.

 


	9. Pimbits angst leads to threesomes (rated M)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kent wasn't a dick at Epikegster | Rated M | [Original tumblr post](http://jacksbits.tumblr.com/post/143237216192/canon-au-halfway-between-a-fic-and-a-headcanon)
> 
> -
> 
> canon au! halfway between a fic and a headcanon, 4k, rated M, pimms but eventual pb&j. originally plotted out live in the OMGCP IRC chat but then I cleaned it up to post here. promise it turns out alright. so just read it idk.

What if Kent hadn’t been a dick at Epikegster, and he and Jack started dating again?

There’s so much history there. It would have been so easy. If Kent had just come to Jack as a friend, had just said, “I miss you. Where do you think you’re gonna play? I want to be in your life again, no matter where you go.”

Jack misses Kent too. He always has. And if Kent hadn’t used _I miss you_ like a weapon, Jack might have… actually wanted to kiss him back.

Obviously Bitty would notice right away that something is different with Jack, because he has a crush the size of Montana. He’s paying attention.

So then Bitty would have to watch as Jack and Kent talked more and more—first just texts, then phone calls, then Skype sessions most nights, Jack laughing loudly enough that Bitty can hear him through the door. Jack would start mentioning Kent in conversation, telling stories about him, and it’s just little things… but Bitty notices. Kent even comes to visit, too, a couple of times. Jack starts leaving some weekends to go to Vegas.

It’s... a pretty awful day, honestly, the day Bitty realizes Jack isn’t straight but he’s into someone else.

 

 

A lot of stuff about Spring semester is exactly the same. Everyone takes that Psych/Bio/Politics of food class together. Jack takes Bitty out for coffee. They still hang out all the time. There’s still so much chirping. Bitty is still the subject of Jack’s photo project, though there are some pictures of Parse, too.

(“Visually, it’s interesting how you consistently associate this character with warmth and, like, comfort? And this character with… challenge? Some kind of vitality?” “What.” “Yeah! Okay, so the first blonde? He feels so far away—you’re just observing him in every picture? He’s never looking at the camera. But the second guy, he’s like, he’s _staring you down_ , in this hard light—it’s really, you feel like you know him, but also like he’s a mystery too, a little? It’s intense.” “I…. my project was about my team.” “Okay, but didn’t you say the second guy wasn’t actually one of your teammates?” “He…. used to be. He. It’s. This project is about my teammates.”)

Anyway, Jack has it bad and he has no idea. But KENT. Oh boy, he knows. He fucking knows. Bitty obviously has a huge crush on Jack, and Kent can tell that Jack has a thing for Bitty, and it fucking, it hurts. It goddamn hurts, because Kent thought he would be enough for Jack. And he’s not. And there’s nothing Kent can do about that, because, fuck. He gets the appeal, you know? Bitty’s so—

Anyway. Kent gets it. He gets it. It still sucks.

Aaaand, okay, Kent is a jealous person. It’s one of his flaws, whatever, at least he’s aware of it, right? But Jack talks about Bitty a _lot_ , and finally Kent just… snaps _._

So then: one night, Bitty’s on his way to his room and he overhears Kent and Jack fighting. He freezes in the hallway. He needs to leave but he can’t make himself move, because Kent says, “Do you have a thing for him?”

Bitty is hardly breathing. Kent says, “Don’t look at me like that, like I’m being crazy. You’re always buying him coffee and—who knows what else. He tweets about you all the time. You’re always hanging out.”

“Bittle’s just a friend,” Jack says. “I spend time with him because he’s—my friend, I don’t know why you think—”

“You’re supposed to be _my_ boyfriend, Zimms, _christ_.”

“I _am!_ I—I’m with you. How could you think I…? It’s you. You’re who I want.”

Kent says, “Don’t fucking lie to me. Not even by omission, Jack.”

It’s quiet for a second. Jack says, “I… don’t know, Kenny. What do you want me to say? It doesn’t matter. Nothing’s gonna happen between us, because I’m with you.”

“Fuck.” Kent’s voice is rough.

“I’m happy,” Jack says. “I’m really happy with you. This is what I want.”

Bitty is… still standing in the hallway. He has no idea what to do with this. Jack would want something… with him… if he weren’t with Kent? It’s—Bitty had never—he never _even suspected_ —

…and none of it matters, because Bitty would never, ever try to break them up. Jack is happy. Jack is happy with Kent, and they’re good together, and honestly, Bitty wishes that he didn’t know. What is he supposed to do with the knowledge that Jack feels something for him? It just. Makes everything so much harder. Fuck.

 

 

The thing is, Jack knows that he does love Parse. It’s always been Parse. Bitty is… something, and Jack thinks, yeah, sure, if it wasn’t Parse it’d be Bitty. But that’s not relevant, because it _is_ Parse. It’s always been him. Jack is with Parse and he wants to be with Parse. What else can there be to it?

(Jack has no concept that there is anything else you could do in this situation. It literally does not occur to him that there are any options other than trying to forget how he feels when the sun slants in through the window just right, catching Bitty’s hair and illuminating him so that all Jack can see is a golden halo of light. It’s not relevant. It doesn’t matter. He’s with Parse.)

 

 

Kent is mostly just… really bitter. He’s _angry_. Because what does Bitty have that Kent doesn’t?

And… okay. Kent knows the answer to that, actually. Bitty is like goddamn sunshine. He’s the nicest fucking dude Kent has ever met. It’s disgusting, and he hates it. The worst part is Kent _knows_ that Bitty hates him. _He knows it_ , but Bitty is still unfailingly nice, just for Jack’s sake. That’s why Bitty’s polite. It’s so obvious, and it just drives Kent nuts.

Kent ends up like, trying to fight with Bitty. Kent’s at Samwell for a long weekend, and Jack and everyone else is in class, so Kent’s just hanging out. He thinks he’s alone, but then he comes out of Jack’s room into the hallway, and there’s Bitty—

Bitty looks gutted for about half a second before his face smoothes out. “Kent, hey,” he says, and then he _smiles_ like he doesn’t hate Kent’s guts, and Kent is just so _mad_. He crowds Bitty against the wall, says, “Why don’t you just fucking say what you want to say for once? Jesus _christ_. You’re so fake, Eric.”

And Bitty rises to the bait, obviously, and ends up yelling that, well, of fucking course he hates Kent, Kent has everything he wants, but that’s just his luck, right? Bitty knows he’s not good enough, he’s never been anyone’s first choice, and why should Jack choose him, anyway?

“You’re a fucking celebrity, Kent, okay, I get it,” Bitty says. “You’re fucking captain of the Aces and probably the best hockey player in the league and everyone knows it—it’s not like I can’t see it, you’re so fucking hot and talented and—whatever, you know it, I don’t have to fucking say it, everyone knows it, so it’s not like I would expect Jack to pick any differently and I—” He cuts himself off. Shuts his eyes tight. “But it still… it sucks, okay? It sucks. I really fucking— _God_. I just thought. But whatever.“

Kent says, "You think I’m hot?”

…because Kent is an asshole.

Bitty goes for a punch, because he’s really worked up already and even if Bitty isn’t a fighter he _fucking hates Kent Parson so much._

And, okay, Kent kind of, his brain just… shuts off? He sees the punch coming and he grabs Bitty’s wrist to stop him, but then there’s—touching, and Bitty thinks he’s hot, and they’re standing so close together, so he just kind of, grabs Bitty’s shirt? Kent means to like, shake him, rough him up a little, but Bitty’s yelling something and Kent’s looking at his lips and he just, kisses him?

Bitty’s mouth is so much warmer than Kent expected it to be.

And then Kent’s brain turns back on. He shoves Bitty away wordlessly and turns around and then—he’s gone. A couple of seconds later, the front door slams downstairs.

Bitty’s like, “What the fucking fuck just happened.”

 

 

So then Kent tells Jack about it because. Well. Kent is trying not to be a douchebag.

(This was like Step One of the whole “get Jack back” thing. And it worked! Kent went to that party and he wasn’t an asshole, and now Jack _loves him back_ , maybe always did, and Kent’s not going to fucking ruin it by backsliding into being an asshole again by lying about something this big. Jack doesn’t deserve that. Jack deserves a Kent that is trying to be better.)

Except, of fucking course, they fight like hell about it. Jack is _so mad._

(Mostly because _Kent got to kiss Bitty?_? Jack wants to kiss Bitty. Jack has _wanted_ to kiss Bitty and he didn’t because of _Kent_. Jack doesn’t really even understand why he’s so pissed off? He just keeps thinking how unfair it is, because Kent didn’t even _want_ to kiss Bitty, and Jack… well. It’s not fair.)

It’s bad. It’s probably the worst fight they’ve ever had, and Kent and Jack have had some _awful_ fights. They’re going at it for like, two hours. Jack just cannot calm down about it.

Finally, Kent gets frustrated and says, “Fine! Fuck it! Why don’t you go kiss him!? And then we’ll be even!”

Jack kind of jerks in… shock? He feels like his heart has stopped beating. He says, “………………Alright.”

"Wait, alright?” Kent had just suggested that to be an asshole. He didn’t think it was a legitimate solution.

“Alright,” Jack confirms. “I’m gonna kiss Bitty.”

Kent hazards, “...and then you won’t be mad anymore?”

Jack frowns. “I don’t know. I might still be mad.”

Kent agrees but he’s like, I wanna be there. When you do it. Because I’m your boyfriend. So I should be there. 

Jack’s like, okay. That’s fine. Jack had kind of assumed Kent would be there already, honestly.

 

 

They get to the Haus and Bitty answers the door. And… Jack has been waiting for this. For so long. He has to kiss Bitty _right away._

(Plus, like, he’s so nervous. Jack just needs to fucking do it immediately so he can’t be like “now? when? now? when??? now?????”)

Jack just, takes Bitty’s face in his hands. He tips Bitty’s head up, crowds him backwards until he’s is inside the front hallway of the Haus. Jack hears the door click shut behind him, Kent probably shut it, so he leans down and presses his mouth to Bitty’s and it’s—

Incredible.

Bitty’s arms come up around Jack’s neck, pulling him close. He’s kissing Jack back, and then something happens and Bitty’s shoving at him, _hard,_ and Jack stumbles backwards several steps. He runs into Kent, knocking against his firm chest, and Kent’s hands come up automatically to steady him. Jack lingers for a minute, pressing back against him, before he steps away. He’s glad that Kent is here. He feels overwhelmed, but Parse always focuses him.

“What. Is. Going. On,” Bitty bites out.

Jack’s says, “I kissed you,” because honestly his brain is not running at 100% right at this moment.

Kent says, “Okay, we’re even now, can we fucking go?”

(Kent doesn’t—want to be here. He doesn’t like how he felt, watching Jack and Bitty, watching something slot into place, because they’re… good together, aren’t they? They’re really… they’re really good together. And Kent wants Jack to be _his_ but he’s not, he’s not, and Kent can’t lose Jack again, okay? He can’t do it again.)

Bitty is basically too shocked to be properly angry. He says, “Jack, you genuinely need to explain yourself _right now_.”

Jack says, “Kenny said I could kiss you because he kissed you.” He kind of, waves his hands, like that will illustrate things. “So I kissed you?” Jack Zimmermann is not a smooth man.

Bitty thinks about that for a second and then he says, “That was so fucking uncool of you.”

“…what,” says Jack.

“Why did you think that was okay? What the fuck? I knew Parson was an asshole, but you, Jack? Really?”

Jack is kind of panicking. He says something like, “What no don’t be mad what did I do?” He really means it, is the thing. Jack really doesn’t know why what he did was so bad. He didn’t think Bitty would care. Jack is an idiot.

Bitty deflates a little. “Do you really… not know?“

“Know what,” Jack says.

Meanwhile, Kent is like, about to pass out, he is that stressed out. All he can think is, _no no no no no no no no not again, I’m going to lose him again, he doesn’t know, he doesn’t realize he can have Bitty, oh god oh god oh my god no, he’s going to leave me now, he’s going to, it’s over it’s over it’s over I’m going to be alone again I’m going to be—_

Bitty looks away.

Jack says, "Bitty, know what?”

“ _Can we_ _leave_ ,” Kent manages, voice strangled. He has to get Jack away from here. He has to—if they don’t leave right now it’s going to be over between them, and Kent can’t, _he can’t_ —

Bitty looks like he’s going to cry. He says, “Jack… I really don’t want to—” He shakes his head. “God, it’s like, you can’t fucking, come here and _kiss me_ and then act like I should just be okay with it? It’s been—so long, Jack, I’ve wanted this for so long because I’ve been in love with you for _so long_ and I—I just. I’m _trying_ to get over you. So this just, it isn’t fair. It’s not fucking fair, Jack.”

Jack’s heart has pretty much stopped, because he has no idea what to do.

He doesn’t know how he—like, it was one thing to be in love with two people? Because Jack could deal with it. It hurt, it hurt so so much, but he had Parse, and Bitty was his friend, and he could deal with it. But now…. they both love him back? And Jack just…

He didn’t mean to.

Jack thought he could just deal with it all on his own and it would be fine and maybe it would go away eventually, he’d stop wanting Bitty and just be happy with Parse like he should have been all along, and it would be okay, it would be, and even if it wasn’t, Jack could handle it. He didn’t expect anyone else to get hurt by this, but. They’re both. They’re both hurting. Jack is hurting both of these men that he loves so much and _they both love him_ and he just… He doesn’t know. What to do.

Jack’s been silent for too long. Kent is pretty much white-faced with fear and horror. Bitty’s eyes are watery and his face is getting blotchy with the effort of trying not to cry. It’s bad. It’s a really, really huge fucking mess.

So Jack just. Puts it all on the table.

“I’m in love with both of you,” he says.

 

 

Bitty and Parse are both staring at him, jaws dropped.

Finally, Kent says, “I want to fucking punch you right now, what the fuck is wrong with you, Jack?”

Bitty is laughing angrily. “Yeah, wow, never thought I’d agree with you, Parse.”

Kent looks over at him. They share a moment. Jack Zimmermann is the fucking worst.

(And it’s? Actually? A good moment? It’s probably the first good moment they’ve ever really had, and Kent thinks, fuck, Bitty’s pretty awesome.)

Jack says, “What’s happening?”

Kent says, “Bitty, you wanna get a drink?”

Jack says, “ _What is happening?_ ”

Kent scrubs a hand over his face. He looks at Jack. “Okay. Like, I’m not breaking up with you, because god help me I’m fucking in love with you too. But I also don’t want to talk to you right now?”

Bitty snorts. “Ain’t that the fucking truth.”

Kent smiles. He puts an arm around Bitty’s shoulders and escorts him out of there.

So then Jack is alone in the hallway. Quietly, he says to himself, “What is happening.”

 

 

Kent drives Bitty to this bar and buys them, uh, several rounds of shots. It’s only, like, 6pm, but _fuck today honestly._ Shots are necessary at this moment. Then they get fruity cocktails and they bitch about Jack for a while, because they have unexpectedly bonded on this topic and it’s honestly cathartic right now to complain about Jack.

Within 20 minutes Kent has Bitty _howling_ with laughter about all the weird dumb shit Jack has done as a boyfriend. Because Jack is sweet but he is honest-to-god a dipshit sometimes. Christ. Kent has some _great_ stories _._

At some point, Kent says, “Honestly, Bitty, you’re too good for Jack. You could get any guy you wanted, alright? You’re cute as hell. And you’re seriously one of the nicest fucking guys I’ve ever met, it used to make me _so mad_.”

“It used to make you mad?” Bitty asks, eyes shining.

“Ah,” Kent says. This is embarrassing. “I used to be, uh, jealous of you? I mean, I’m not anymore, I fucking feel for you right now, man—Jack really shouldn’t have—when I suggested it I was being, like, flippant? But Jack just… latches onto these ideas sometimes, you know how he is. Total fucking tunnel vision, even when it’s obviously a terrible idea…” Kent trails off, because Bitty is snickering. “What?”

“Sorry,” Bitty says, still laughing. “I’m just a little stuck on the fact that you were apparently jealous of _me_?”

“I…” Kent fiddles with his napkin. “I understood, you know, why Jack liked you. You’re seriously… you’re good for him. And—fuck, jesus christ, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t _say_ shit like that, I know it’s—that it’s not fair of me. But you’re so—and I’m just—” Kent heaves a sigh. “Tell me to shut the fuck up if you want.”

“No,” Bitty says, evenly. The whites of Bitty’s eyes are flickering in the darkness of the bar, but Kent can’t make out his expression. “What were you saying?”

“I don’t know if I’m really any good for Jack,” Kent says. He rubs at his face with one hand. He can’t look at Bitty while he says this. “But I just want him… too much. I can’t give it up. And I always kind of thought, it should have been you. I fucked it all up. I’m always—fucking it all up.”

Then Kent forces himself to laugh. It comes out rough. “It’s so fucking stupid, too, because Jack is not worth it. _God_.”

Bitty picks up his glass. “I’ll drink to that.”

Kent clinks his glass against Bitty’s, and it’s. Good, honestly.

“Okay,” Kent says. “That was too fucking maudlin right there. You wanna dance?”

 

  

Bitty does want to dance. Bitty _always_ wants to dance. They down their drinks and walk to this other place Bitty likes pretty well. It’s too early, a little after 8, but the music is good, and Bitty’s tipsy enough that he doesn’t mind that they’re one of like, six people on the dance floor.

Plus, Kent’s a good dancer. And it’s… really weird, honestly, but Bitty’s having fun? If someone had told him 12 hours ago he’d be pissed off at Jack and having a great time grinding against Kent Parson, he would have laughed in their face. But here he is.

 

 

An hour and a half later, or something like that, Kent kind of lost track of time, they’re sitting down to catch their breaths. Bitty’s red-faced and panting, and Kent’s struck with the fact that Bitty is _really fucking cool._

“Hey,” Kent says. “So, like, what’re the chances that this whole thing has pissed you off enough that you’re not gonna be interested in Jack anymore?”

Bitty frowns. Kent can see him visibly deciding whether or not to tell the truth.

“Slim-to-none,” Bitty finally says, sounding kind of defeated. It breaks Kent’s heart. That’s not how it should be, Bitty shouldn’t sound like that. “But I’ll deal with it. I always have before.”

“You could do that,” Kent says. “Or we could, um. Both date him?”

Both of Bitty’s eyebrows shoot all the way up. “You really wanna share him?”

“I like you,” Kent says. He means it like _I get where you are and I want to help you out_ , but it comes out sounding like a come on. Bitty looks surprised for exactly three seconds, and then his eyes narrow and he smiles so, so slowly.

Kent thinks, _oh, shit._

“You like me, huh,” Bitty says. It’s not a question. “Interesting.”

“Um,” Kent says.

Bitty stares him down. “You wanna get out of here?”

Kent absolutely does. He stands up without even saying anything, and then realizes that might seem overeager, and that’s so, so embarrassing, but Bitty is laughing—this rich, gratified sound—and he smirks at Kent so wickedly that Kent doesn’t regret a single thing about the entire day.

Kent actually, _very briefly_ , forgets entirely about Jack Zimmermann.

They have to call an Uber, because Kent is too drunk to drive safely, and Kent’s about to put in the Haus as their destination when Bitty says, “Nah.”

“You don’t want to go?” Kent asks. He’s disappointed, honestly. He’d thought…

“We need to get a hotel,” Bitty says. He leans up and says right into Kent’s ear, “I’m _loud_.”

Then he actually fucking sucks Kent’s earlobe into his mouth and _bites down_ , and Kent’s not sure what happens for a while after that because his mind has completely whited out.

When Kent comes back to, Bitty’s taken his phone and has typed in the address of the nicest hotel in the area. Kent’s like, _this is amazing_. Also, he thinks he needs to get something else to drink, because he didn’t realize that Bitty was going to _attempt to kill him_ tonight _._

Bitty’s down for another drink, too, and by the time the Uber comes they’re both kind of… messy.

They’re in the Uber when Kent remembers that they left Jack at the Haus.

“Oh, shiiiiit,” Kent says, laughing helplessly. “Bitty! We _forgot about Jack._ ”

Bitty starts cackling, which only makes Kent laugh harder. Their Uber driver is like, “Uh… did you guys leave someone at the bar? Do I need to go back?”

“No!” Bitty says.

“Oookay,” the Uber guy says.

“Fuck him, anyway,” Bitty mutters.

“ _Fuck_ him,” Kent suggests.

Bitty wets his lips. “Alright,” he says.

So that leads to Kent texting Jack, _Bitty and iii are waaaasted and i am gettign us a hotel u shldcome ovr_

A second later, Kent adds, _were not waitifng hahahhaha_

Bitty snorts into Kent’s neck when he reads the texts over his shoulder, but he also very, very carefully types out a text to Jack that says _ok i will kind of wait but not that much since i’m still a little mad at you._

 

 

Honestly, though, Kent and Bitty are asleep when Jack gets there. They’re like, almost entirely clothed (Kent’s shirt is unbuttoned and Bitty lost his hoodie by the doorway). They’re passed out on top of the covers.

It’s probably better that way. On the cab ride over to the hotel, Jack was kind of worried about having sex with Bitty for the first time while Bitty was drunk, and he was planning to like…. gently stop things, so he’s sort of relieved.

Bitty shifts over sleepily when Jack crawls under the covers, and Kent cracks open his eyes and says, “Hey,” so softly that Jack thinks it’s all probably going to be okay. There is some kissing and cuddling but they’re all asleep within half an hour.

In the morning, they do have sex, and that’s fun. Bitty and Kent make a good team. Jack is frankly a fucking goner in the face of their new alliance. Oh, well. Jack pretty much deserves it.

Afterward, Kent orders an obscene amount of room service and charges it to Jack’s card. Jack signed with the Falconers a couple weeks ago, so it’s fine. But still sort of ridiculous.

“You’re as rich as me, Parse,” says Jack. “I think you’re richer than me.”

“It’s the principle of the thing,” says Kent.

Bitty stretches out between them languidly. “Hey, Kent?” he says. “You think Jack made it up to us earlier or nah?”

“Nah,” Kent says.

“Oh no,” says Jack. But he’s pretty sure he’s going to like what’s coming, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...ok and then fast forward 6 months later to when they’re all happy and in love. 
> 
> Bitty and Kent gang up on Jack all the time.
> 
> ;)


	10. Kent's a little jealous (rated M)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kent Parson is SO SAD Y'ALL | Rated M because it's heavy content tbh I'm sad now | Content warning for unhealthy drinking/alcohol abuse | [Original tumblr post](http://jacksbits.tumblr.com/post/143799072692/so-do-you-think-kent-is-a-little-jealous-not-in-a)
> 
> -
> 
> coldwarlesbian said: ❝ so do you think kent is a little jealous (not in a bad way) of bitty and jack because like bitty gets to be with jack at time where he is more stable than he was in juniors. i mean, kent has to miss jack a lot. ❞
> 
> me: Omg absolutely.

Kent can see how good they are together, you know? He probably doesn’t actually get to see it in person for a while, because…… you know, Bitty and Jack are in the closet, but when the Aces play an away game against the Falcs, Kent reaches out to Jack like, “Hey, wanna do dinner or something afterward?”

(They’ve texted a little. They’re on ok terms again. Kent actually texted him once—a little drunkenly but Jack doesn’t have to know that—to apologize for what he’d said at Epikegster. It wasn’t cool, how he’d acted. Kent knows that. It just _hurt_ , that Jack didn’t want anymore what they’d promised each other they’d always want… and so Kent had just been. He’d been taken by surprise. He hadn’t expected Jack to say no to him. If he’d been prepared for that, he might not have lost control so badly and said what he said. He regrets it, you know? Kent knows he needs to keep better control of his emotions; he can’t let himself get carried away like that because when he does he always says all the awful things he knows he’s not supposed to think. Normally he’s better about keeping it all in, is all. Zimms has just always had a way of getting under Kent’s skin without even trying to.)

So, anyway, they’re on ok terms and Jack’s like “Yeah, sure, dinner sounds good. My team is here, too.” A second later, Kent’s phone buzzes again: “I mean, my team from Samwell. But we can all go out together. I know some good places in Providence.”

And who knows whether Bitty and Jack would be out to the Samwell team yet, but Kent knows Jack, and he takes one look at the way Jack is looking at Bitty and he _knows_.

And. You know. Jack seems happy? He seems good. He loves these guys and they love him back, and Bitty is kind of cold to Kent in a way that screams “I’m dating your ex and I know that you’re his ex” and Kent’s just… it’s a little weird. To see Zimms so happy? Like, Kent’s not _upset_ and he’s always wanted Zimms to be happy and everything. So that’s good. But it’s just a little weird to see that Jack’s built a whole life and Kent isn’t a part of it. It’s not bad. It’s just weird.

Kent’s maybe quieter than he normally would be, but there are enough people jammed around the table that it’s not really that obvious. It’s not the first time Kent’s felt out of place among a big group, and it won’t be the last time, either. He’s gotten good at hiding it by now. It’s fine.

He orders a third beer, though, disguising it by ordering a round for the whole table. That gets a cheer out of the whole group, everyone laughing and thanking him and talking over each other, and it’s nice to be the center of attention and to be _liked_ and everyone thinks he’s a good guy, except maybe Jack and Bitty who know better, but it’s good, it’s good that everyone else likes him. With a couple of beers buzzing through him everything else is kind of numbed away, and Kent can just feel happy to be there. It’s nice to just feel liked. To feel almost like he deserves it.


	11. Bitty gets mad at Jack (rated G)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god I really want one of Bitty's flaws to be a terrifying ice cold temper okay please I need this | Rated G | Content warning for like.... zimbits having a bad fight. But this is a comedy piece so it all works out OK in the end | [Original tumblr post](http://jacksbits.tumblr.com/post/144133943437/oh-god-im-just-imagining-bitty-getting-really)

Bitty gets really pissed off at Jack. What Jack did was _bad_ and Bitty is in a cold rage about it.

(Jack was stressed out about hockey things and he ended up losing his temper and taking it out on Bitty. Jack screamed at him, telling Bitty he needed to fuck off and stop bugging him all the time about things that he’s not a part of. It was really uncool. It was totally Jack’s fault for being an asshole and for letting his anxiety and fear get the better of him.)

Their initial fight is interrupted when Jack has to leave for practice, and once he’s gone Bitty spends 3 hours cooking an elaborate meal of all of Jack’s favorite foods. There are like, two courses and side dishes and desserts and everything. He made rolls from scratch. It’s a gorgeous spread.

Bitty lays everything out on the table and waits for Jack to get back from practice. Bitty has been watching the clock. Jack should be home soon.

Anyway then Jack comes in the door and he’s like, still all angry and grumpy from their fight. He’s ready to hash it all out again. He’s prepared a whole speech about why what he did wasn’t that bad.

Then Jack sees the food. He tilts his head at the table. Is that _tourtière_? He looks up at Bitty, frowning.

Bitty just stares him down.

Jack opens his mouth to say something and Bitty just shoves _all the food off the table and onto the floor_. Without saying a word, Bitty calmly turns around and walks to their bedroom and slams the door.

Jack’s like, _shit_. There is food all over the floor. It’s a huge mess. But he gets down on his knees and starts to clean it all up, scraping food back up onto the plates so he can take it to the garbage. The whole time, Jack’s thinking about what he did. He fucked up. He realizes he fucked up. He’s not gonna give his speech about how Bitty was overreacting. He wasn’t overreacting. Jack was being a dick.

But also… Jack is hungry. He just came back from practice. It’s all his favorite food. Even though it’s been on the floor, he finally just eats a bite.

It’s the most horribly salty thing Jack has ever had the misfortune of putting in his mouth. He has to spit it out. It feels like his taste buds have been burned off. Jack is pretty sure he’ll never stop tasting salt.

It’s… he can’t believe it. But also he can? Jack kind of groans in frustration. Part of him isn’t surprised at all. He should have known. He should have known Bitty would know that he’d try to eat the food anyway.

(Later, when they’ve made up, Bitty’s like, “Yeah, of course I over salted everything. I knew you’d take a bite. You love _tourtière_. …also, we need to buy another canister of salt.”)

Anyway, that’s the day Jack fully realizes that Bitty is a terrifying human being. Jack might lose his temper and say stupid things sometimes, but when Bitty’s angry he will calmly take you and everything you ever loved apart without even blinking.

Jack never yells at Bitty again. He’s learned his lesson.

(Mostly because when Jack apologized Bitty looked him seriously in the eyes and said, "Baby, I forgive you. I understand how hard things are for you right now. But if you ever speak to me that disrespectfully again, I won’t cook a meal for you like I just did. I will leave your ass and you will never see me again. Alright?”)

 


	12. Bitty finds Jack's porn folder (Rated M)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jack really likes those videos of the guys dancing to Beyoncé in stilettos | Rated M | [Original tumblr post](http://jacksbits.tumblr.com/post/144205639377/so-rhysiana-linked-this-incredible-video-of-some)
> 
> -
> 
> so [rhysiana](http://rhysiana.tumblr.com) linked [this incredible video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kc17H68IKMs&list=RDkc17H68IKMs&index=1) of some of Yanis Marshall’s choreography of dudes dancing to Beyoncé in stilettos. And… first of all, just watch it. I’ll wait.
> 
> …Okay. You’re back? Good. (Also, I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW). Now. Now.

Imagine, before they’re dating, Jack sends that video to Bitty with, “pretty cool, eh?”

Bitty thinks he’s getting chirped so he responds with, “Haha, very funny, Jack.” He’s not too mad, though—it was kind of sweet that Jack thought of him enough to send the video, anyway, and he was _right_ that Bitty would be interested. He actually watches the video twice in a row because… wow.

Honestly, though, Bitty forgets about all of it within an hour or two.

He doesn’t question it when Jack requests a Beyoncé education a week or two later. He’s just thrilled that Jack requested it at all; he’s not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth. Bitty certainly doesn’t connect it to the video he’d seen a week ago.

 

Fast forward six months later. They’ve been dating for a while, and Bitty’s sitting on their bed at Jack’s place in Providence, leaning up against the headboard. His laptop was still all the way in the (beautiful, open-plan) kitchen, so he’s tooling around on Jack’s computer instead, looking through some of Jack’s old photography assignments. Bitty stumbles upon a folder labeled “WWII primary source documents” but it’s in a weird place—inside the pictures folder, instead of the documents folder with all of the other history garbage that Jack always saves. Bitty clicks on it. Inside, there’s another folder just labeled “stuff.” When he clicks on _that_ , it asks him for a password.

Bitty feels _gleeful._

“Jack!” he shouts. “Is your porn folder named _World War Two Primary Source Documents??_ ”

Jack pokes his head into the doorway a moment later. His eyes are wide. He looks embarrassed, a little guilty. Caught. It’s _definitely_ his porn folder.

“No?” Jack tries.

“What’s the password,” Bitty says. “I’m your boyfriend, you don’t have to hide your porn from me.”

“Huuuuhhh.” Jack is clearly stalling. “Okay. Um. It’s. goodhockey69. All lower case. I came up with it when I was 16.”

“Jesus, Jack.” Bitty’s is so stunned with happiness that he can’t even laugh. His boyfriend is the biggest dweeb in the _entire world._ “I’m never letting that one go. Never.”

Jack frowns. “You can’t tell anyone. It’ll undermine the security of the password.”

Bitty can’t help it; he _loses it._ There’s nothing he can do to stop it, Jack looks so _serious_ , and suddenly Bitty is _hollering_ with laughter, slipping down the bed, clutching at his stomach. The laptop slides off the side of his lap and onto the comforter. There are tears on Bitty’s face. His sides hurt, his cheeks hurt, he has _never been this happy in his life._

“It’s not that funny,” Jack complains, settling down next to Bitty on the bed. He takes his laptop, a little grumpy, and then Bitty _remembers._

“Nono, wait, open it!” Bitty says, forcing the words out between gasps for air and more helpless giggles.

Jack opens the folder, clearly begrudgingly, and Bitty makes grabby hands at the computer until he hands it over. Inside the folder, there is mostly exactly the kind of normal shit that Bitty would have expected—a couple of videos that were probably especially great, some artsy nudes he found on the Internet, a folder of sexy selfies that Bitty sent him (Jack always asks permission before he saves any of them, so Bitty isn’t surprised to see himself in Jack’s porn folder, but he feels a little gratified anyway.)

But there’s also… something else. Which Bitty did not expect. There are _dozens_ of videos with titles like “[YANIS MARSHALL CHOREOGRAPHY. “PARTITION” BEYONCE. WORKSHOP IN KIEV / UKRAINE #YanisTourBitch #Heels.](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DAY7fY0OS90w%26index%3D4%26list%3DRDkc17H68IKMs&t=MTIyZmZmOTk3NzFkM2FmN2FhZjhmOTE4MGE5ZWQyZmYyMzIzZTg1NixPanVIcW1UMw%3D%3D)” There are more of those videos than anything else. It’s like he’s saved this guy’s _entire_ YouTube channel.

“Oh my god,” Bitty says, clicking on one. “I’ve seen this. Or. Something like this?”

“They’re viral,” Jack says, reasonably. “Gone viral?”

“No, no,” Bitty says. “I’ve… Oh my god, Jack, _you linked one of these to me._ Months ago. Before we dated. I thought you were chirping me. I didn’t realize you were _jerking off_ to them.”

“I don't—” Jack stops, suddenly. “Whatever. Leave me alone. They’re hot. Those guys are good dancers.”

“Oh my god,” Bitty mutters. “If I’d only _known_. How did I ever think you were straight?”

Jack shrugs, pressing his shoulder against Bitty’s. “That I could not tell you.”

 

(Bitty chirps him about the password so much that Jack has to change it. He resets it to _MackenzieKing_ , which was the name of the PM of Canada during WWII.

 _This is a way less embarrassing password_ , Jack thinks. Bitty still snorts loudly when Jack tells it to him later, which makes Jack furrow his brows into a frown. Bitty’s always chirping him. It never seems to end.

 _I don’t deserve this kind of ridicule_ , Jack thinks. When he says that aloud, Bitty openly laughs in his face. Jack frowns harder.

It’s a good thing Bitty’s cute, is all Jack’s saying. Cute and… sweet and wonderful and—okay, maybe Jack isn’t as annoyed with the chirping as he likes to pretend he is. Just maybe.)

 


	13. Jack and Bitty's Honeymoon (Rated G)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zimbits honeymoon | Rated G | [Original Tumblr Post](http://jacksbits.tumblr.com/post/144264119827/ok-but-like-i-need-to-know-what-u-think-jack-and)
> 
> -
> 
> Anonymous said: ❝ Ok but like I need to know what u think JACK AND BITTYS HONEYMOON WOULD BE LIKE ❞
> 
> me: okay, we talked about this in chat a while back so i’m SHAMELESSLY STEALING THOSE IDEAS and I am sorry about that omg but anyway with that caveat:

Jack and Bitty's honeymoon is definitely in Paris.

There are so many reasons. The obvious one is--of course--French! Jack is excited to get to speak his native language! Even if he knows France French is different than Québécois, it’s still in the same general area. Jack doesn’t get to speak French enough in his daily life living in the U.S., so he’s excited by that possibility. (Also, Bitty thinks French is sexy. Jack is excited to get the chance to show off a little in front of him.)

The second reason is that Paris beautifully combines Jack and Bitty’s two primary desires in a honeymoon. Because, well, Bitty just wants to do something romantic and sweet. Not necessarily anything fancy!!! He’d honestly be happy staying at home in Jack’s apartment and just curling up together without any interruptions for a week.

Jack’s primary desire for his honeymoon is that it is _expensive._ He wants to do something totally extravagant, because Jack wants to spoil the fuck out of his new husband. He doesn’t think he needs to _justify_ that desire (it seems pretty self-explanatory to Jack. He loves Bitty. He wants Bitty to have the best and nicest things. So he wants to buy Bitty the best and nicest things. Obviously.)

Bitty always tries to reign in their spending, but Jack… well, he can afford it, right? Why _not_ do something extravagant? A honeymoon is a celebration, isn’t it? And Jack feels they have a _lot_ to celebrate–he’s pretty sure he’s never been happier in his life. He got to proclaim to the whole world that he is going to be Bitty’s (and Bitty is going to be _his_ ) for the rest of their lives! That’s a big deal. That’s awesome. Jack literally always wants to spoil Bitty, but most of the time Bitty won’t let him. But a honeymoon!!! This is the perfect excuse. Bitty cannot complain about Jack buying them a nice _honeymoon._

Also, Jack’s secondary desire for his honeymoon (and for… any… vacation) is that there are cool history things to explore, and Paris is CHOCK FULL of cool history things. Jack is pumped about Paris. It’s perfect.

He’d originally gotten the idea by looking through top ten lists of “Perfect Romantic Honeymoon Spots” (because Jack’s _actual_ primary desire for his honeymoon is to do something that Bitty would like, obviously). Jack sees Paris on the list and he’s like, “Yeah. _Yeah._ This is perfect. I’m going to spend _so much money_ and Bitty can’t stop me.”

When Jack suggests it, Bitty’s like, “Oh! Paris! I, um!! Wow!!!” for like…. five solid minutes. He can’t actually bring himself to say he doesn’t _want_ to go to the most romantic city in the world for his honeymoon, but he’s also kind of overwhelmed, because. Wow!!! Paris!!!! Jack!!!!!! Paris?!!!!?

Jack takes Bitty’s hands. “We’re flying first class,” he says, gently. “And I’m not going to let you enforce a budget. For two whole weeks.”

“Two weeks is a long honeymoon,” Bitty says, faintly.

“We can do a shorter one if you think you’ll get sick of me,” Jack says. 

Automatically, Bitty replies, “Honey, of course I won’t get sick of you.”

Jack grins suspiciously wide. “Great! Two weeks it is. I’ll start looking at flights now.”

Jack leaves the room before Bitty has a chance to argue with him (even if Bitty won’t get _sick_ of him, maybe 10 days would be better?), which is when Bitty realizes he’s been hoodwinked. He blinks. Jack is getting _good_ at that. 

Well. Bitty can at least try to do some damage control on this one.

He starts after Jack, putting on his best reasonable tone, and says, “Jack, sweetheart, at least let me set a _large_ budget, okay?”


	14. Jack and Bitty Have a Kid (Rated G)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jack is a friggin goofy dad ok | Rated G | [Original tumblr post](http://jacksbits.tumblr.com/post/144274770852/i-love-your-writing-so-much-if-youre-still)
> 
> -
> 
> Anonymous said:  
> ❝ I love your writing so much! If you're still seeking fluffy prompts, could you maybe write your headcanons for Zimbits and eventual babies? I think I would cry from the cute. ❞
> 
> me: ok so this might not be what you were expecting but i just came up with this and it fits so HERE:

So when they’re like way older, Jack and Bitty adopt a child. A baby girl. Colette. She is beautiful and Jack tears up every time he looks at her for the first two weeks. But let’s fast forward through the “miracle of birth” sap and go straight into the “holy hell babies are horrible” part of things.

Bitty goes out to run errands and get a coffee with Lardo and talk about not babies for like forty-five whole minutes and well….

It’s not like it’s the first time Jack’s been alone with Colette or anything, but it’s a more-than-usually stressful day. He already woke up kind of sore from working out too hard yesterday (he maybe just wanted to be alone and not deal with Colette for like _just a little while please god he is so tired_ and Jack responded to that feeling by working out for twice as long and twice as hard as he technically was supposed to, because hey! It’s not like working out is a bad thing he doesn’t have to feel guilty about working out even though Jack totally did feel guilty about it _he’s a good dad he loves his daughter_ but he’s also going a little crazy here).

So anyway Jack is having a bad day from the moment he wakes up, and then Bitty _leaves for several hours_ and the baby spits up on him like. Immediately after Bitty leaves. So then Jack goes and changes his shirt and she does it again so then Jack just accepts it. He’s gonna be a gross baby-vomit-covered parent today. So be it.

He tries to make lunch but Colette distracts him halfway through so everything’s a mess in the kitchen and Jack is still hungry. To make matters worse, Jack is really worried about this limited edition NHL onesie he’s trying to get on eBay. The auction ends in six minutes. He’s like trying to burp Colette and then he glances at the screen (which is auto-refreshing once per minute. Jack is bad at computers but weirdly into eBay so he knows a lot of very specific computer tricks that are _only_ useful for winning eBay bidding wars. He still can’t work snapchat) and suddenly Jack is like, oh my god the kid has distracted me I’ve been outbid!!!!!! What a crisis!!!!

Bitty walks into the kitchen right at this moment. And….. There’s Jack, wild-eyed and frantic, standing in the middle of the kitchen clutching Colette to his chest and staring in horror at his laptop screen. His hair is a mess, the kitchen is a mess, his shirt is covered in baby vomit.

Bitty says, “Jack, honey, you’re a disaster.”

Jack looks up at him and says, “Bitty, I’m a dadaster.”

And then he smiles the biggest, proudest, _smuggest_ smile that Jack Zimmermann has ever smiled in his entire life. He’s been waiting for this opportunity for weeks. He can’t believe it’s finally happened. He doesn’t think he even felt this purely happy when he won the cup. Maybe it’s a tie.

Bitty just leaves the room.

 


	15. Bitty in Booty Shorts (Rated M)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RIP Jack Laurent Zimmermann 1990-2015 | Rated M | [Original tumblr post](http://jacksbits.tumblr.com/post/144421219167/jacksbits-uhmmm-so-bittlepies-reblogged-this-and)
> 
> -
> 
> uhmmm so bittlepies [reblogged this picture](http://bittlepies.tumblr.com/post/144410505840/evecoffn-you-know-whats-always-fun-imagining) and tagged it “eric richard bittle” and i started writing tagfic and then it got long so i put it into a notepad document (which i often do with longer tags so i can edit them) and then it got longer and i have a suspicion it’s now longer than the tag limit so i’m just making a new post (where it got longer again jfc) so… ok.
> 
> here’s some NSFW zimbits because i’m extremely weak and bitty murdering jack by being hot with the short shorts is my jimmy Jam

 

-

 

Imagine… it’s a lazy early summer day toward the end of spring semester 2015, so Jack and Bitty aren’t dating yet. They’re all outside and having a fun time hanging out and Bitty comes outside in those fucking shorts. (He and Lardo found them online and laughed for 10 solid minutes and bought matching pairs in different colors. Lardo’s are lime green and size L and are going to be Shitty’s graduation present.)

When Jack sees the words on Bitty’s ass he chokes badly on the water he’s drinking and spends the next ten minutes coughing. Bitty thinks it’s goddamn hilarious. He thinks Jack is just scandalized (instead of scandalized and desperately and uncomfortably turned on). Bitty’s also a little tipsy (because day drinking obviously) so he’s dancing around a little sloppily to the music they have blasting from Holster’s portable speakers with Shitty. It’s a nice time. 

Jack is sitting in a lawn chair clutching his water bottle in one hand. He’s trying not to stare at Bitty’s ass. He honestly needs to just get up and go inside and jerk off because he’s been hard for the past 45 minutes, but he’s afraid if he stands up someone will notice. And that would just be. So Embarrassing. Jack is just in thin gym shorts and _everyone_ is around so the chance of no one noticing if he stands up is pretty low. So he’s just like Frozen In Place and horrified with himself and with Bitty and with Bitty’s SHORTS and… basically Jack is horrified with the entire situation.

Bitty keeps sneaking glances at Jack and snorting to himself. Jack can be SO UPTIGHT. Seriously, these shorts are hilarious and Jack needs to get a sense of humor about it. So eventually Bitty decides to chirp him a little. If Jack thinks he’s scandalous, well… Bitty can _give him_ scandalous.

So he sidles up to Jack and puts a hand on his forearm. He tries to just lean forward a little but… He’s drunk. So Bitty tips forward more than he means to and his lips actually brush against the shell of Jack’s ear. Like, multiple times, he’s kind of swaying back and forth slightly? Jack’s hand is clenched into a tight fist in his lap. He isn’t moving or breathing at all.

Voice pitched low, Bitty asks, “Jack… Are you nasty?”

Jack looks up at Bitty with the most overwhelmed expression Bitty has ever seen. His eyes are so so wide. His pupils are HUGE.

Jack’s brain has shut off to the point that he thinks he’s being legitimately asked a question here so he whispers back “Y-yes,” because that’s the only possible answer that his brain can process right now.

Because Jack _is_ nasty.

Because he just came in his pants. In front of everyone. At 3pm on a Saturday. Because of Bitty’s hand on his arm and his breath on his face and his voice in his ear. Holy. _Shit._ Jack is so fucking nasty and he is so fucking screwed.

Honestly, he has no idea what to do. He has no idea if Bitty noticed. Oh god. What if Bitty _noticed?_ What if _everyone_ noticed?

But Bitty just blinks twice and then guffaws, standing back up.

“Very funny Jack,” Bitty says. “You honestly had me for a second there.”

“Haha,” Jack says. “Yep.”

He’s still kind of in shock. That didn’t go…. as poorly as it could have. It could have been so much worse. At least now Jack’s boner is gone and he can go inside and change. At least… There’s that… Jack clenches his jaw tighter.

 _Be thankful for small mercies, Zimmermann_ , he thinks to himself, firmly. _Also, time to go inside. Your shorts are disgusting._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You should really check out [the post on tumblr](http://bittyybee.tumblr.com/post/144421571250/jacksbits-jacksbits-uhmmm-so-bittlepies) too, because there's some collaborative tagfic there that me and [halesbunnyteeth](http://halesbunnyteeth.tumblr.com/) wrote and it's real fun. :)


	16. Bitty The Caterer (Rated G)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bitty runs a meal delivery service AU | Rated G | [Original tumblr post](http://jacksbits.tumblr.com/post/144567002792/rhysiana-au-concept-bitty-runs-a-meal-delivery)
> 
> This is a continuation of [Rhysiana](http://rhysiana.tumblr.com)'s fic idea and you need to [read it first](http://rhysiana.tumblr.com/post/144562122228/au-concept-bitty-runs-a-meal-delivery-service) in order to understand this fic. (Also, that post is really fun and great! Ahh)

 

Bitty knocks when he gets back to Jack’s place with the extra food, because even if he has a key it seems pretty rude to let himself in when he knows Jack is home. But Jack doesn’t come to let him in? Bitty loiters there on the doorstep, feeling really weird, and finally he just… unlocks the door and pokes his head in.

“Hello? Mr. Zimmermann?” Bitty doesn’t get a response. Ugh. So awkward. He ends up practically _running_ to Jack’s kitchen, shoving the food in the fridge, scrawling a quick note and leaving it on the counter, then hightailing it out of there. His heart is beating. He feels relieved not to have seen Jack, but also slightly… disappointed? Jack is easy on the eyes, is all. Even when he’s all pitiful and sick-looking with messy hair in his old sweatpants. But. Oh well.

 

-

 

Jack was actually asleep the whole time.

A little while later, he wakes up, stumbles into the kitchen, and sees the note.

_Hi! Sorry for intruding (I knocked but you must be out?) but I brought some extra food by since you’ll be home during the team’s roadie, and I wouldn’t want you to go hungry! Hope you feel better soon! - Eric_

And, honestly, that could have been the end of it? But now Jack is interested in this guy. 

Part of it is definitely guilt about never having considered that there was a real person behind his food. In retrospect that seems really stupid. Obviously someone is _cooking_ the food, right–but Jack just… didn’t. Think about it. And now he knows the guy’s name. Eric. (Jack kind of thought the guy who did the food was named Bitty? But that doesn’t even seem like a real name, now that he thinks about it? Just goes to show how little he pays attention). He just feels like he should _thank_ the guy that’s been making his life so much easier for over a year. Jack can’t imagine what he’d do if he had to deal with preparing his own meals, on top of everything else.

He’s also really touched that this guy went out of his way to prepare _extra_ food, too. Jack could have easily gone out and gotten some, like, hummus and carrots and peanut butter and maybe a rotisserie chicken or something to tide him over for a couple of days. It’s not like he’s _helpless._ He’s an adult and he can deal with his own meals if he has to. It’s just… Eric’s food is definitely _better_ than anything Jack could put together. Eric always manages to match sides so that the meal feels cohesive? Jack has no clue how he does that. In college, he always ended up just dumping everything he had into a bowl. He made some truly horrific meals over the years. (Jack always _finished_ his horrific meals, because he wasn’t going to waste food and it doesn’t really matter that much how things taste to him. But Jack realizes that when even _he_ could tell something was bad, it was really bad.)

So all of that is a big part of why Jack writes back. It’s easy to figure out when Eric will come by to do his next delivery. Jack’s healthy again by then, so he’ll be gone, but he finds a scrap of paper and writes,

_Eric,_

_Thanks for the extra food– It was delicious, as always. If you hadn’t come by, I probably would have ended up eating peanut butter and chicken sandwiches, so really… thank you for helping me avoid that._

_\- Jack_

_p.s. the lemon meringue pie was great (I promise won’t tell Margaret about it). Nearly a rival to your maple apple pie. Seriously.  
_

Jack leaves for practice and he thinks about it and he thinks about it and he thinks about it. Will Eric write back? Will he think the thing about peanut butter and chicken sandwiches is funny, or just gross? Jack is weirdly nervous about it.

Well. Maybe it’s not that weird.

Because. The other part of why Jack wrote back is that Eric is… cute. Really cute. That’s not something Jack thinks very often, but the moment he saw Eric, it was definitely there. So Jack kind of just. Wants to see. Maybe there could be something there? He doesn’t know anything about Eric, or even if he’s interested in men, but… Jack is maybe, a little, tiny bit hopeful?

When Jack gets home, he goes right to the kitchen. His heart starts pounding double-time when he sees a note on the counter. A note that is not in the same place that he left his. It says:

_Oh, I’m glad you liked it! It’s great cooking for all of you–an interesting challenge to keep it interesting, with your diets. Glad I could help you avoid the terrible fate of pb &c sandwiches. :)  
_

_Though, you know, peanut butter and chicken isn’t a_ completely _awful combination._

_\- Eric  
_

Jack smiles, reading the note.

He smiles more the next time Eric makes a delivery. Grilled chicken skewers with a thai peanut sauce. The cheat day dessert is maple apple pie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THERE IS MORE FIC IN THIS UNIVERSE THAT OTHER PEOPLE WROTE TOO (AHH):
> 
> [Cooking Lessons](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6905155) by [imaginarycircus](https://imaginarycircus.tumblr.com/) and [this tumblr post](http://audiaphilios.tumblr.com/post/144586402055/jacksbits-rhysiana-au-concept-bitty-runs-a) by [audiaphilios](http://audiaphilios.tumblr.com)!!! READ BOTH THINGS.


	17. Zimbits couch cuddling (rated G)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jack has a bad day and needs some Quality Boyfriend Cuddles | Rated G | [Original tumblr post](http://jacksbits.tumblr.com/post/144658452852/bittys-scrolling-through-his-twitter-feed-on-the) | Content warning for mention of off-screen homophobia
> 
> -
> 
> Anonymous said:  
> ❝ Bitty's scrolling through his twitter feed on the couch while he waits for a pie to finish baking when Jack comes in and quietly wedges himself under Bitty's arm and curls against his side because he's having a bad day. Bitty just presses a kiss to Jack's cheek and goes back to scrolling while idly running his fingers through Jack's hair, knowing that Jack'll talk when he's ready. ❞

Jack is so keyed up when he gets home from practice that afternoon (fucking Berisha and the casual homophobia _again_ ) that he doesn’t expect it when he dozes off in Bitty’s arms. It’s just—it’s a Saturday, they don’t have a game until tomorrow, and Jack is just so grateful that Bitty is _here_ , that he can just go inside his apartment and press against him and forget about everything else for a while. It’s really no wonder he falls asleep.

He wakes up maybe an hour later (with a vague memory of Bitty getting up to do something and coming back a moment later, settling back down wordlessly, tugging Jack on top of him again). It was sunny outside when he settled against Bitty on the couch, but the light’s gone dim and orange out the window. Bitty’s now stretched out on his back on the couch, phone set down on the coffee table. His t-shirt is pushed up, Jack’s head pillowed on his bare stomach. He blinks open his eyes when Jack presses a kiss there.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Bitty says muzzily. “Feel better?”

“Yeah,” Jack mumbles. “Just Berisha again.”

Bitty tuts, running his fingers through Jack’s hair. “I get why you don’t want to confront him directly, but I still think you should talk to the captains. Or George.”

“I know,” Jack says. He knows. It’s just hard. If he told Georgia, she’d be discreet, of course, but he still just… If George talks to Berisha, he’s gonna wonder who was offended. Who tattled on him to the GM. And maybe he’ll complain about it, and then it’ll get around that someone’s—well. Jack’s just not ready for that yet. For there to even be suspicion about him. It’s his rookie season—he’s barely been in the NHL for 6 months. He doesn’t want it to be about anything else but hockey. Just for a little while, at least.

“Whenever you feel ready, honey. There’s no rush. I just hate to see you keep getting hurt by this.” Bitty rubs his fingers across Jack’s scalp, then hums contemplatively. “It’ll work itself out eventually. What do you want to do for dinner?”

Jack sighs, nuzzling his face into Bitty’s warm skin. He’s grateful for the subject change. It’s honestly amazing to him how Bitty always knows when to let things go.

“I don’t care,” Jack says. ”I’m just happy you’re here.”

“I’m happy I’m here, too, baby.” Jack can hear the eyeroll in Bitty’s voice. “But, you know, you can be happy to have me here _and_ have an opinion about dinner.”

Jack snuggles closer. He really doesn’t care about anything except how warm Bitty’s body is beneath his. “Whatever you want sounds great.”

“Hmm,” Bitty says, stretching a little to grab his phone from the coffee table. “Maybe I’ll order takeout. Then we don’t have to move for a while.”

Jack finds the energy to crawl up Bitty’s body and press his lips to Bitty’s neck.

“That’s why I love you,” Jack says. “You always have the best ideas.”

Bitty snorts. “And don’t you forget it.”


	18. Bitty gets Jack a gift (rated G)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even _more_ honeymoon schmoop | [a continuation of this](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6785554/chapters/15759253) | rated G | original tumblr posts: [one](http://jacksbits.tumblr.com/post/144816855372/same-anon-still-thinkin-bout-that-honeymoon-hc), [two](http://jacksbits.tumblr.com/post/144923551312/re-expensive-unique-thing-for-bitty-to-buy-jack), [three](http://jacksbits.tumblr.com/post/144931709687/this-is-jacksbits-yes-jack-definitely-got-into)
> 
> -
> 
> ❝ (same anon, still thinkin bout that honeymoon hc) also, what if bitty wants spoil Jack just as much but obviously can't go to such extreme lengths bc he's not a professional athlete. and so bitty saves up a bunch and buys Jack something really nice while they're in Paris with his own money and jack gets all emotional and it is also v cute (what would Jack want??? a diamond encrusted hockey stick???) ❞
> 
> me: ok this is late af but YEs yEs yeS omg (i kept this because i was TRYING TO THINK OF A GOOD THING FOR BITTY TO BUY JACK but I cannot. i have tried but i got nothing.) 
> 
> saltkettle said:  
> ❝ re: expensive unique thing for bitty to buy Jack. what about a vintage WWII camera, originally owned by a queer soldier? that came with a box of vintage gay pictures?? :D ❞
> 
> me: whooooahhh this is perfect i Love

The soldier, Robert *convenient loud noises*, maybe got some kind of commendation for bravery and he was minorly important historically, but his sexuality is erased from anything that mentions him. There’s even a whole book about this guy that doesn’t touch his sexuality at all, it’s kinda ridiculous. But if you look at the historical documents (maybe the letters of his estate survived) it’s pretty apparent he had a long term male partner? Jack wrote a paper about him (and talked about the erasure of queer identities in historical figures in general. Shitty loved it & made everyone in the Haus read it. Jack is always way too embarrassed to have people read his papers if they don’t ask to but he’s happy that Shitty told everyone to read it since he was pretty proud of his work on that one. He’d gotten to do way more primary research than usual just because there wasn’t anyone talking about how this dude was obviously in love with a man!!!)

Anyway. Robert’s partner, Arnaud Fournier, was Parisian (and actually pretty cool in his own right too), and Bitty manages to trace down the people that inherited _his_ estate, Matthieu and Vanessa Fournier (Matthieu is the great nephew of Arnaud). Bitty has Bob help him write them a letter in French that basically goes like, _Hello! So, this might seem out of the blue, but my fiancé is really into WWII history and he wrote a paper about your great uncle and his partner. We’re coming to Paris for our honeymoon and if it wouldn’t be too much trouble, he’d totally geek out over seeing any parts of your great uncle’s estate that you might have!_

Aaaand, okay, the family is pretty touched that someone acknowledged Arnaud’s connection to Robert, because honestly their love story is really touching and it just comes down to homophobia that it’s not more well-known.

Vanessa is American so the Fourniers do speak English, but honestly the fact that Bitty wrote in French definitely helped. (Matthieu is like, “It was very respectful of this American to go through the trouble of writing in French even though he doesn’t speak it. Especially because he is essentially asking for a favor from us.” So they like him already).

Also, Vanessa is honestly just happy to have a chance to host some English speakers. She’s been living in France for most of her adult life and she misses speaking her native language sometimes, gosh!!

So anyway, Bitty sets up this meeting and they meet Matthieu and Vanessa and their baby and Matthieu’s mom (who actually remembers Arnaud and Robert. She spent a good amount of time with them when she first married into the Fournier family) and it’s really really fun. Everyone tells stories and they let Jack read some letters that have never been published before!! Jack gets to look through what’s left of Arnaud’s estate (which includes a lot of Robert’s stuff actually, since he was disinherited for being gay. Luckily even the Fourniers back in the 1940s were cool so they took in Robert wholeheartedly.)

Honestly Jack is just on cloud nine the whole time. At the end of the visit, Vanessa and Matthieu gift Jack some pictures that Robert took which they got printed for him (they still have a lot of his old negatives, so it was a pretty easy thing to arrange before Jack and Bitty’s visit). And after a moment of deliberation they even decide to give Jack one of Robert’s old cameras. (They actually have several cameras of his so while it is a big deal it’s not like, the end of the world for them to part with one. Besides, they like Jack and Bitty a lot okay. These Americans are great!!!)

Jack is honestly thunderstruck. Not only is he so grateful to Bitty for setting all of this up, but Vanessa and Matthieu are genuinely awesome??? And now Jack has the coolest thing he’s ever owned??? A camera and all of these pictures?? There’s this picture of Arnaud and Robert together (they’re sitting close on this little sofa and Arnaud is laughing and they both look _so happy)_ and Jack tears up while he stares at it _._

Of course, Vanessa and Matthieu won’t accept any money from Bitty—it was a gift—so he just takes everyone out to an extravagant dinner and pays for all of it.

(After dessert Jack’s like, “Hello I’ll take the check when you’re ready please,” and the server is like, “I am sorry sir but your husband has already requested that it go to him.”

Jack says, “Bitty, you’ve done so much already, just let me pay.”

“Absolutely not," says Bitty. "This is still a part of your gift.”

Jack frowns. “Okay. If you. Insist.”)

Anyway they all stay in touch and when Jack and Bitty go back to Paris a couple years later for an anniversary they stay with the Fourniers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, Jack definitely got into Robert Whateverhisnameis because he was an amateur photographer. TBH Jack was probably looking at Robert's pictures and he was like "There.... Sure are a lot of this one hot blonde dude, huh? Like. A lot. A whole bunch." *queer senses tingling* 
> 
> So Jack looked into him a bit more and found his letters and was like, "ohhhmYYYGOD." Because Robert talks about being thrown out by his family? But how it's okay as long as Arnaud is with him??? "MY DEAREST ARNAUD" etc.


	19. TV star Bitty AU (rated G)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bitty has a cooking show and Jack has a crush | rated G | [original tumblr post](http://jacksbits.tumblr.com/post/144971631442/bahoreal-older-zimbits-where-nhl-player-jack)
> 
> -
> 
> So tumblr user bahoreal made [this post](http://bahoreal.tumblr.com/post/144961804951/older-zimbits-where-nhl-player-jack-lives-next):  
> 
>
>> Older zimbits where nhl player jack lives next door to baking legend bitty and jack thinks bitty is real cute so he appears next door to awkwardly ask for sugar/eggs/flour because he’s “‘baking”“ when in fact all he has in his cupboards is milk, half a bag of flour (from bitty) and protein shake mix
> 
>   
> And I said, "oh mny GOSH."

Jack gets in over his head way faster than he would have expected, is the thing.

It’s the third time Jack is knocking on his door within two weeks.

When he asks for brown sugar, Bitty just grins and says, “Sure thing, mister! But since this is the third time, you gotta bring me a bit of whatever you make, you hear?”

He’s all smiles, clearly just teasing—maybe even flirting? (Jack thinks, _is he flirting?_ )

Jack manages to go, “Yes, okay,” and turn around to leave, but internally he is like, “oh no oh NO OH NOOOOO,” because he is not going to bake anything so _he is not going to have anything to bring to Bitty_.

It’s already so far out of hand. He didn’t even expect to keep asking for things, alright? The first time he knocked on Bitty’s door, he genuinely needed an egg for his protein shake. It was awkward to go ask a stranger, but adding an extra raw egg to his morning shake had kind of become a pre-game superstition at this point, and Jack really didn’t want to go without.

And, well. It also was a kind of perfect excuse to talk to Eric “Bitty” Bittle, star of the the hit baking show Bits and Pieces. They’d shared a floor for months now, but Jack had never quite found an excuse to go say hello. He didn’t want to bother Bitty at home; God knows that Jack himself was thankful that none of his neighbors seemed to be hockey fans, or were at least too polite to mention to Jack that they were.

It just seemed easier to pretend that he didn’t know who Bitty was, even though Jack knew perfectly well exactly who he was and in fact watched re-runs of his show every night. He’d gotten used to watching Bits and Pieces to wind down before bed, once he’d finished reviewing tape. Bitty’s voice was just so soothing, that sweet southern drawl… Even if he was explaining steps for a recipe that Jack knew he’d never try to follow, the show was just so comforting.

But then Jack needed the egg. Really, truly, _badly_ needed it. And if he was going to have to awkwardly talk to a neighbor, why not kill two birds with one stone and awkwardly talk to the neighbor that he really _wanted_ to talk to?

Except Bitty had assumed that Jack was baking, that first time, and Jack had been too flustered to correct him. It was just, Bitty was so _small_ in person, which was a ridiculous thing to get stuck on. Jack had been watching the show for over a year, and Bitty complained about his height regularly. He often had guests, too, and it was always obvious in comparison to other, taller people just how small Bitty was. It was absolutely not news to Jack that Bitty was 5'6". Maybe it was creepy that Jack knew that little fact, but he did, so whatever.

It was just. Jack hadn’t realized how small 5'6" was. He’d never thought about how Bitty would have to crane his neck up to look into Jack’s eyes.

So Jack hadn’t had the presence of mind to say, “Oh, no, I’m making a protein shake,” or anything like that. He’d just said, “Thanks,” and retreated back to his apartment.

Then, a little over a week later, Jack happened to run into Bitty in the elevator. It wasn’t the first time it had happened, but it was the first time Bitty spoke to him, smiling and asking if everything had gone well last time.

It actually _had_ gone well, because they’d won their game (and the raw egg superstition was duly reinforced), so Jack just said, “Um, yes, it did. Thank you.”

Bitty’s eyes were so, so brown as he said, “Well, come on by if you ever need anything else! I am supportive of all forays into baking.”

Jack had said of course he would, and then a few days later he was still thinking about it, and then he found himself in front of Bitty’s door for the second time, asking for flour.

The third time, Jack doesn’t have an excuse for. He was just sitting in his apartment, bored and antsy. He didn’t feel like watching a rerun that he’d already seen a thousand times before, but it was late enough that he needed to start getting ready for bed.

But listening to Bitty was such an ingrained part of his routine that Jack didn’t really know what to do with himself. And he thought, _well, I could just go talk to him._

Which was the thought that resulted in him knocking on Bitty’s door, and asking for brown sugar, and Bitty saying he wanted a piece of whatever Jack made, and… then everything was terrible and awkward and impossible.

So then afterward Jack is in his kitchen and he’s like, “Can I make anything with flour and milk and brown sugar?” He feels like eggs would be a normal ingredient here but Jack is out of eggs again (he doesn’t want to examine why he hadn’t bought more the last time he was at the store, even though he was running a bit low).

Jack frowns to himself and then mixes the flour and brown sugar together with enough milk to make a paste. It makes a sad sort of gloop, but Jack is determined and desperate. He turns on the oven and then realizes he doesn’t have a cookie sheet. He doesn’t really bake. Mostly he just cooks chicken and vegetables and for that he only needs a saute pan.

Jack doesn’t think you can saute cookies, though, so he scoops his flour mixture onto a plate and microwaves it for a minute. What comes out is decidedly not a cookie. It’s a sort of sad, gluey sponge-like thing. Jack eats a bite, though, and it actually doesn’t taste that bad—kind of like oatmeal with less texture? But it’s not anything he could give to Bitty, who _bakes_ for a _living_. He’d be horrified by Jack’s terrible weird porridge thing and never speak to him again.

Jack tries a few more combinations of his meager ingredients, making the paste thicker and thinner and seeing what happens with more or less time in the microwave, but his results are all pretty horrible. Jack is not a baker. This isn’t even _baking._ It’s just _microwaving_. Jack is screwed.

The next day, he ends up stopping at a bakery on the way home from practice, and he buys a few chocolate chip cookies. He feels extremely guilty about it as he knocks on Bitty’s door, holding a plate with the cookies all piled onto it, but—there’s nothing to be done. Jack has to bring Bitty _something_.

Maybe he should have tried to follow an actual recipe and make his own cookies, but honestly Jack does not have any faith in his abilities to create anything edible. This is just. Easier. It’ll be fine. It’s not like he’s hurting anyone, pretending he made these cookies. Even if it does make him a liar.

“Why, hello!” Bitty says, when he opens the door. “What’s this?”

“Um,” Jack says. “Cookies?” He holds out the plate.

“Oh!” Bitty says, gleeful, and bites into one. And then he _moans_. Jack nearly drops the plate. “Mr. Zimmermann! Did you really make these?!”

And. Well. A lot is going through Jack’s head all at the same time.

1\. Bitty knows his name.

2\. Bitty just _moaned._ Out loud. In front of Jack.

3\. Bitty is so very small.

4\. Bitty does not deserve to be lied to.

So Jack says, “Actually, no. I… my attempts were failures. I got these at a bakery near, um. The rink where I practice.“

“Well, they’re very good,” Bitty says, and then he suddenly pinkens. “Oh goodness, I guess I just gave myself away, didn’t I?”

“What?” asks Jack.

“I said your name—” Bitty explains, looking embarrassed. “I do know who you are. I’m a bit of a fan. I was trying to play it cool, though.”

“Oh,” says Jack. He’s overwhelmed. Bitty knows who he is, and he’s a fan? And also, still, he _moaned_? In front of Jack? Jack keeps hearing the sound of it inside his head.

Bitty says, “Oh gosh, I’m sorry, now I’ve gone and made it weird—”

“No!” Jack interrupts. “It’s not weird. It’s, um. I’m a fan too? Of yours?”

“ _Really—?_ ” Bitty’s reaction is immediate, all delighted, breathless awe. “Are you _really?_ ”

“I just like to watch it—your show I mean. I don’t actually bake at all.” Jack frowns. “I’m really terrible at it. I don’t even own a cookie sheet.”

“Don’t even own a—!” Bitty looks horrified.

“I think it would be fun to learn,” Jack admits. “I just don’t really know where to start.”

“Oh, well, I could—” Bitty stops, frowning. Jack desperately wants to know what he was about to say. Bitty goes, “But, wait. If you don’t bake, what were you borrowing those ingredients for?”

Jack genuinely considers turning around and running away.

He does eventually force himself to say, “The first time, I really needed an egg for my protein shake. The other times… I, um. Just wanted an excuse to come say hello?”

Jack is expecting Bitty to look uncomfortable, or confused, or weirded out—he does not expect the pure delight that bursts across Bitty’s face.

“My goodness, that’s just about the sweetest thing,” Bitty says.

“Um,” Jack says, feeling embarrassed. “What were you gonna say before? About, uh, ‘oh, well, you could…’?”

Bitty’s smile goes a little sly. “I was gonna offer to teach you some things,” he says. “I don’t suppose you’d be interested in that, huh?”

Jack’s not sure exactly how he’s supposed to respond to that. He frowns, trying, “Um, no, I would be interested? If you’d be?”

Bitty laughs—a happy, friendly sort of noise that makes Jack feel warm all over.

“I figured, I was just teasing you,” he says. “I’m definitely interested. You free tomorrow night?”

“Yes,” Jack says, because he is.

“It’s a date then, huh?” Bitty’s voice is easy and bright.

Jack immediately says, “Yes, please,” and Bitty laughs and laughs and laughs.

“That’s good, that’s good.” His smile goes a little wicked. “I like a boy who knows his manners.”

They just smile at each other for a moment, until Bitty says, “Alright, now, git—I have work to do. I can’t stand here flirting all afternoon.”

Jack feels suddenly bold. “We’ll just have to save it for tomorrow, then.” He takes a step backward. “I’ll see you later, Bitty.”

“Bye, Jack,” Bitty says, eyes twinkling.

Jack waves with one hand, embarrassingly goofy, and makes himself turn around. When he’s in front of his door, though, he risks a glance over his shoulder. Bitty’s still standing there in his doorway, hip leaned against the frame.

“Go on!” Bitty says, raising his voice so that Jack can hear him from down the hallway. Bitty’s grin is so big it’s visible even from this far away.

Jack’s smiling as he shuts himself into his apartment. He’s still holding the plate of cookies. Normally, he’d settle in to watch tape, then make dinner. He’s probably too keyed up to focus on tape right now, though.

For once, Jack doesn’t really mind having to break his routine.


	20. Jack "Jay-Z" Zimmermann (rated G)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jack doesn't like being compared to Jay-Z | rated G | [original tumblr post here](http://jacksbits.tumblr.com/post/145088608702/hiiii-i-kinda-needed-to-share-this-thought-please)
> 
> -
> 
> Anonymous said:  
> ❝ hiiii i kinda needed to share this thought (please forgive me for invading your askbox!) what if bitty realizes that having his own jay-z makes him 2% closer to being beyonce, so he starts referring to jack as "*my* jay-z" at random and increasingly frequent intervals. the team loves it. jack is half oblivious half amused until someone tells him what lemonade is about. he's horrified. and hurt. he calls up bittle immediately. "i just want you to know I would NEVER-" bitty is so confused. ❞

“Oh, sweetheart,” Bitty says, just after laughing that short little _aha!_ he does when he thinks he finally gets what Jack’s saying. It’s become one of Jack’s favorite sounds. He knows he’s not always very good at explaining himself, but Bitty always does his best to understand.

“I know you’d never cheat on me,” Bitty says. “Honestly, Jack. I started with that nickname before lemonade came out.”

That’s true. Maybe Jack overreacted? He chews his lip, thinking it over. It was just… a gut reaction. It felt like he’d failed to tell Bitty something important. Shitty was talking about how powerful Beyonce’s album was, as, like, an example of forgiveness, but all Jack could think was _I need to hang up and call Bitty and explain to him—_ something. That was as far as the thought went.

Jack’s not sure if he explained it or not, though. He still feels kind of keyed up.

“I still—I just—” Jack heaves a sigh. “Even the _idea_ of it is so… It’s only ever going to be you, Bits.”

Bitty makes a noise kind of like _oh_ and _what_ at the same time. _Ohuah?_

“Yeah. You know that, right?” Jack thinks he’s getting at what he meant to say, finally. “You’re _—_ this is it for me. You’re it for me.”

Bitty’s quiet for a beat too long, and Jack replays his words enough times to realize that it might be kind of overwhelming to hear it put that baldly. It’s really not been that long that they’ve been together. Maybe he shouldn’t have said it.

He absolutely means it. But maybe he shouldn’t have said it.

“Bitty?” Jack asks.

“I’m here,” Bitty says, sounding watery. “I’m just. Haaa, was trying to formulate a response that was slightly less embarrassing than happy crying.”

“Oh,” Jack says. “Happy crying is good, though.”

“Yeah?” Bitty manages. “Feels pretty embarrassing. Chowder is concerned.”

“You know how I hate to upset Chowder,” Jack says. “Maybe I shouldn’t have said it, eh?”

“Chowder is a _grown-ass man_ who can _just learn to_ _deal with it_ ,” Bitty snarls.

Then his voice abruptly changes. “Oh _—_ no, Chowder, it’s alright, I’m not mad at _—_ oh, sweet baby, no—uh. Jack? Sorry. I’ve got to go.”

“Bye,” Jack says, biting back his laugh. “Love you.”

Bitty breathes out audibly over the line. “Yeah. Love you too. And you’re _—_ uhm. It for me, too. Just… thought you should know.”

“Glad to hear it,” Jack says. Yeah. He feels better now. “Bye, Bits.”


	21. Bitty and Jack are forgetful (rated teen)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One time Jack forgot Bitty was his boyfriend, and one time Bitty forgot Jack was his husband | (this might seem like it'll be sad but I promise it's pure fluff) | rated teen | [original tumblr post](http://jacksbits.tumblr.com/post/145171924867/one-time-jack-forgot-bitty-was-his-boyfriend-and)
> 
> -
> 
> Tumblr user [des-zimbits](http://des-zimbits.tumblr.com/) made [this post](http://des-zimbits.tumblr.com/post/145160979921/slams-fists-on-table-where-is-the-zimbits) and I was helpless not to oblige.

**01.**

Jack gets checked badly during a game and has to be carried off the ice. He’s still sedated by the time Bitty gets to the hospital—just as a precaution, apparently. The CT scan was good, no internal bleeding or dangerous amounts of swelling or anything like that. Jack’s going to have a concussion but they think he won’t have any long-term problems. He’s not going to be able to play in the finals (assuming the Falcs get there), but he’s going to be okay.

Bitty’s stomach is still clenched tight with fear, sitting there watching Jack’s unsettlingly smooth, peaceful face. He has a nasty bruise over his left cheekbone. Bitty strokes his hand along the other side of his face, down over his hair, his brow.

Jack blinks open his eyes.

“Hey there,” Bitty murmurs.

Jack looks a little concerned. The first thing he says is, “Did I die?”

“Oh, baby, _no_.” Bitty reaches for his hand. His heart hurts. “You’re fine. You’re absolutely fine.”

“But…” Jack still looks slightly confused. “You’re not an angel?”

Bitty chokes out a surprised laugh. “ _What?_ ”

Jack’s eyes slide over to where Bitty is still touching his face, down to their entwined hands. “If you’re not an, um… I’m sorry, everything’s just a little… Who’re you?”

Bitty forces himself to remember that this is _fine._ The nurse said Jack would be confused. This is because of the medication. It’s nothing to worry about.

He eventually manages to say, “Baby, I’m your boyfriend.”

“We’re dating?” Both of Jack’s eyebrows have shot all the way up. “How did I manage _that?”_

 

 

**02.**

Bitty breaks his arm trying to get the damn cat out of the tree. Ginger isn’t an outdoor cat, but Bitty dropped a glass and spooked her, Jack just happening to be coming in the door at the same time, and she shot right out and up the tree. Bitty had insisted that he could get her down, which in retrospect was _so stupid_ , and Jack is absolutely never letting him do anything like that again, but. Well. In the end Jack is just glad he wasn’t hurt worse.

Bitty ends up needing surgery, though—they want to put a pin in his elbow—and Jack makes sure he’s free on the day they schedule the procedure.

He’s standing there, talking to a nurse, when Bitty wakes up.

“Daaaamn,” Bitty drawls. “You sure are eye _candy_.”

Jack looks over his shoulder, then glances back at the nurse. She gives him a mischievous look and hands him the juice box she was holding.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” she says. “Try to get him to drink a little of that, yeah?” Then she’s gone.

Jack goes over to the side of Bitty’s bed. “How are you feeling?

“ _Weird_ ,” Bitty complains. “Bad. Stomach’s upset. Can I have some water?”

Jack lowers the juice box to Bitty’s mouth, and Bitty takes a sip automatically.

“Ugh! This isn’t _water_.” He gives Jack a wounded look.

“Sorry,” Jack says. He drags a chair over, sitting down at Bitty’s bedside.

“Well, I know a way you can make it up to me, gorgeous.” Bitty gives Jack a demure look.

“Hmm, what’s that?” Jack leans in a little closer.

“Why don’t you stand up and turn around for me again, huh?”

Jack snorts out a laugh, shaking his head slightly. He counters, “Why don’t you have another sip of juice?”

“Bleh,” says Bitty, twisting his head away. After a second, he turns back and bats his eyelashes at Jack, clearly deciding to try another tactic. “Come on, sweetheart, I just want to appreciate you.”

“Maybe later,” Jack murmurs. Bitty pouts at him, but he’s basically undeterred, reaching down with his uninjured arm to pick up Jack’s hand. He strokes a thumb gently over Jack’s fingers, then freezes, feeling Jack’s wedding band.

“Oh! You’re married!” He pulls Jack’s hand closer to his face for inspection. “Sorry, I didn’t realize…” Then his brow furrows. He gives Jack a narrow look. “It’s not very honorable of you to flirt with me when you’re married, mister… mister… Hm.”

“Bittle,” Jack says. He flips his hand over, laces his fingers with Bitty’s. “Well, I still go by Zimmermann professionally.”

“ _Bittle_ ,” repeats Bitty incredulously. “That’s my name.”

“Yeah, I took it when we got married,” says Jack. They’d thought about hyphenating, but Zimmermann-Bittle was sort of a mouthful. Taking Bitty’s name just seemed easier. Besides, it was sort of thrilling. Jack _Bittle._ Jack likes the way it sounds.

“…I’m sorry,” Bitty says, faintly. “Can you repeat yourself? I must have misheard.”

“I’m your husband,” Jack says. He leans down close to Bitty on the bed. “So I think I’m allowed to flirt with you, eh?”

“Oh my word,” Bitty says. “We’ve kissed?”

Jack can’t hold back his low chuckle. “Many, many times.”

Bitty looks stunned for another moment, but then he suddenly gets a hold of himself. He tightens his grip on Jack’s hand, lowers his voice. “Must’ve done other stuff, too, if we’re married, huh?”

Jack glances at the door. “Uh, of course. We’ve been together a long time.”

“Well, why don’t I make a deal with you, then, _Mr._ _Bittle?_ ”

Jack likes how that means him. He also thinks he’s probably blushing. His face feels a little warm.

He tries for casual, though, saying, “Sure, what’s the deal?”

“I’ll take a sip of that horrible apple juice,” Bitty says, “if you stand up and let me get another look at that pretty little ass of yours.”

Jack is absolutely blushing now. But Bitty’s supposed to drink the juice. The nurse said.

“Fine,” Jack mutters. “But you have to promise to drink that whole juice box, okay?”


End file.
